Just Wanna Be With You (Sequel to YATMIM)

...So Much Crying

~ Heathers POV ~

TRIGGER WARNING

I had a lot of fun with Kellin. Too much fun. It was exactly as it used to be, exactly how I was so hoping it wouldnt be, because Im falling for him, and I cant stop myself anymore. I refuse to accept it. Im trying to think of any excuse I can, to push him away, to save him, but I cant, because I can see it in his eyes whenever he looks at me that he never wants to let me go again.

Honestly, wearing a dress wasnt a huge deal for me, it was more the fact that my body was more visible than usual. I was paranoid about Kellin seeing my scars. I shouldnt have been though, because maybe if he saw those and realized what a mess I am, it'd scare him away and he'd leave. Knowing him though, he'd just cry about it and make me promise to never hurt myself again. Just like he did all those years ago. I wonder if he ever guessed that it wouldnt be possible for me to have kept that promise, not even all those years ago. I've been addicted for so long now.

When I got up to go to the bathroom, it was because I realized just how hard I'd fallen for Kellin, and now I cant stop myself falling. I went to the bathroom, and I broke down once I'd locked myself in one of the stalls. I've never needed to carry blades around with me, because I dont cut, I scratch, using my own fingernails, which sounds worse than it is, trust me. I lifted my dress up, and I added another 3 scars to my thighs that I'd hate. I couldnt stop crying. When I left the bathroom, I knew Kellin would be able to tell that something wasnt right, because he's always been able to tell. I hate the fact that I dont regret letting him hold me, or clutching onto him like I did.

Im back at the hotel now. Im hoping Hannah is here, but then Im partially hoping she isnt, then I can have a meltdown without her here to worry about me.
"Hannah?" I call her name hoarsely as I kick my shoes off and stumble over to the couch. I get no response, and I find a letter waiting for me on the couch.

" Wifnoot,

Justin and I are hanging out at the pub. We figured you and Kellin could use the alone tome after your date, so we left you two love birds alone! Come get me if you need me, or text me and I'll come back. Hope you had fun!

Luvnoot,

Hannah x "

I read over it carefully, before dropping it on the floor and running to my room. I collapse on the bed and start sobbing. I never should've let him kiss me. I never should've let him hold me. I never should've let him back in. I never should've agreed to go out on a date with him. But I did, and look where its fucking got me! Im more of a mess than I've ever been. I need to push him away, and fast, because I feel like if I see him one more time I'll be beyond the point of no return, and I cant deal with that pain again. My phone beeps on my bedside table. I roll over and sniffle, before grabbing my phone.

Kellin: I had so much fun tonight, hope you did too! Maybe we can do something like that again sometime...? I cant get over how beautiful you looked. 😍😘

He'll see that I've read his message. I dont respond. I cant. I have to push him away. After five minutes, Kellin acknowledges that with my extremely fast typing skills I should've responded by now, so he texts me again.

Kellin: Baby? Heather? 😘

Tears roll down my cheeks as my eyes close in a pained blink at the petname he gave me. This time in a serious context. I shake my head, refusing to reply once again.

Kellin: Are you ok?

I let out a loud cry before turning my phone off and burying my face in my pillow, I scream into it. Rather than putting myself through the agony of reading his worry, I'll just ignore him completely. Even though I know how anxious he'll be, I have to make him hate me, I have to get him to leave, because I dont have the strength to leave him. I cant.