Feelings...

Numb

   I don’t write nearly enough. It was actually good to write and upload a chapter of MRRH. I have so many damn thoughts in my head, it’s no surprise that my neck hurts. I’m waiting for it to just pop off now. I probably stress myself out more than I should. But I can’t help it. I’m just a stupid teenager that is actually so numb she could barely keep up with the months, let alone days. This year has consisted of only three guys. Holy shit that’s a new one for me…. Not that I’m a slut. I just usually talk to and get all cutesy or date more guys than that. I don’t even frankly know why I’m writing. Nothing is really on my mind. I’m just writing. Have you ever done that b4?? I’m not a weak one. A lot of people will think so because I’m nice and sweet. But I could be a big bitch when I need to be. And kick ass. My stomach feels weird. Like my upper stomach, lower chest, wants to puke.  I probably sound very weird or something right now. I hate being in this state of mind. Where you just feel so numb that you can’t even think properly. Not that I’ve ever been proper… Or when you can’t remember things that was just said a minute ago. I can’t even remember how I started this. I wonder how I’m staying out of depression. I mean so far this year, some idiot made me fall in love with him then said he was fake, it was a dare, and called me easy. My ex (Just broke up right before the faker came clean) decided to go around Facebook posting and commenting on how I flirt with others while I’m in a relationship, how I have a gay guy fetish, how I ‘like girls’ (Which was kinda my fault), and he let his friend harass me, the police were almost involved. Then another guy decided to promise me things like, I’m the only girl, etc, but then went and cheated. He use to try and make me jealous before I found out. But now I’m just insecure. And I’m NOT the insecure or jealous type. Then I’m worrying about school, college, Jiu-Jitsu, traveling, my nephew, me. I need to really get into reality…