Feelings...

Here we go again...

    I couldn't choose between this song or Broken by Lifehouse. But this was just the first put up. So, I kept it. You should also listen to that song if you wanna understand mi feelings some more

   So today I think I’m just gonna start off with… My life is so fuckin’ fucked up. I mean I thought I was fine and getting better. Hell, I still think that. But again its just that girl. I honestly don’t know what to do. Shit keeps on happening. I have no one to talk to because nobody really knows anything about what’s going on. I just wanna cry… I think I will for tonight… Tonight could just be one of my breakdown nights…. What is a girl supposed to do when she’s believed a guy, then been cheated on, then he promises her that’s over and promises her the world, but it feels like he just means shit again?? I mean this time he’s making it known that I’m his girl. But it doesn’t feel like I am. It doesn’t feel like I’m his everything like he says. I’m starting to turn into one of those crazy girlfriends. I hate those girls. I’m usually laid back in relationships. Maybe this is just too much for me… I don’t understand it! Now I’m laying here, crying, just writing this while thinking. I can’t get over him and that girl. It feels like she will always be his everything. I mean forget about them barely talking anymore. They’ve been best friends since like 3rd grade, they did everything together, been off and on for years, she’s pretty much lesbian, she was dating him when I was, and he even talked so highly of her while we were just talking, let alone dating. I really like him, but I don’t know if I could just go along with this feeling. I feel like she means everything to him… Not me. I mean even before we started dating again she asked him if there’s ever a chance for them again, he said maybe if she wasn’t dating her girl. He called me her name the other day… If I was somebody else I would tell myself to dump his sorry ass and find someone who would appreciate me. I just realized today that he’s caused just about as many tears as a certain guy did before… The other guy didn’t mean shit. Maybe I’m just meant to be used until I find my “The One.” I’m a big believer in that stuff. And that you’ve never experienced real and true love until you find your “The One.” Why do I have to be me?? Why can’t I just be some careless, heartless bitch?? Save me a lot of trouble. It hasn’t even been a full week since my last breakdown. What the hell is wrong with me??? I have been having them sooo much since this year started. It’s terrible how I could help everybody else with all of their problems, but I couldn’t save myself if anyone’s life depended on it. I’m better at dealing with physical pain. Hell, I broke my arm two years ago and all I did was hold it and sweat. Now I’m crying over fuckin’ boys. It’s not how that sounds though. I care about em. So so much. That’s just always been my way of it. “Never feel worthless over just some boy.” I really care about this guy. I guess that’s why I’m so hurt over him… But I guess its life. “Live, Love, Laugh”. Cry, Hurt, Sleep, Smile.

   Anyways I’m sure yall are tired of reading this by now.

           Night, people=)