Feelings...

Mom -.-

   I guess it’s ok to feel like complete shit sometimes. But most of the time?? I left for Oklahoma for three weeks and just got back this past Saturday. While I was up there, I only two breakdowns. And it wasn’t even over any of my ex’es. I was so proud of myself. But what happens in three nights of being home?? Two breakdowns. Both because of my fucking family. The first night, because of my brother acting like a dick. Tonight, because of my mom acting like a bitch. My mom is such a manipulating, lying little bitch. My brother is a momma’s boy, and mom always takes his side. I swear. It feels like mom doesn’t even love me half of the time. That she just keeps me around because she can’t control the others anymore. I love how she does things for her on her time, whatever she wants. But if her idea goes wrong, and I try to make it right, then no. It’s not possible. She tried getting my sister, then my best friend to come to this Halloween bash with us next weekend. But neither could. She said she’d pay for her. But as soon as I said she couldn’t and that I’ll ask a guy friend “No no, I don’t have the money”. But then she starts talking about how she wants to take me somewhere that costs about 30$ a person, taking me to concerts, to theme parks. But then I found this guy who might actually come, “No. I don’t have the money. I was going to talk to her mom about money if she said she was able to come.” She’s being a pathetic bitch. She actually pulled me out of church 2 weeks or so ago just because she didn’t want to go 45 minutes away from me. She texted me in church, saying how she’s going to pick me up. I texted her back saying no I’m fine, then she said ok. But then she picked me up, when I threw a fit she offered to take me back to the house. But she wouldn’t take me back to the church. Her being like this, my family not even really loving me, they just want me gone, pretty much no real friends. Ha. I can’t even go hang out with any of the friends I actually still got. She hates when I’m into something she’s not. She doesn’t even let me get any clothes I want. I’m not into slutty or short clothing. Things are complicated anymore. I feel like running away so much more than I should. I don’t know. I’m crying. I’m not anything. I’ll just post this and read later.

     Goodbye for now..