Feelings...

Getting tired of everything...

   I wanna run away. I wanna run away. I wanna run away. Mom is always screaming at me about anything and everything. We always fight. But she’s a lying, manipulative, hypocritical, bitch. I want somebody to come over and kill me just so I don’t turn into her. Sometimes I think about cutting. I know how terrible it is and that I wouldn’t do it, but sometimes you just think. You know? This year has just been terrible for me. Sometimes I just wish I could take my last breath of it and everything would be over. I really just want to be kidnapped. Nothing to kill me. But like in the books, you know? If I was to actually say what I thought of my family, you’d run. You’d probably think I’m going to grow up an abusive psycho. My brother barely talks to us. My sister and I are actually just now starting to get close’ish. My other sister hates me and went around telling people I’m easy as fuck and been pregnant. And my other brother never leaves me alone, he’s always bugging me and just being a dick. I think it’s bad when you start choking on water, then crying once you stop. But the bad part is when you don’t want to breathe again. You hate the feeling of not being able to breathe, but then you hold your breath so you can’t again. I don’t know what I’m going to do for the next week when I’m stuck with my bitching, whining, grandmother. And my bitching, hypocritical, lying-ass mother. I’m screwed and I know it. I’m thinking about running away while I’m there. It can’t be too bad. I rather have 100 needles in my body than stay here. It’s going to be hard as hell to wait two more years. If I wait two more years. My friend said I could just go into foster care. The other was talking to me about running off. I don’t want to kill myself. That would be a last resort. I’m seriously thinking about leaving. Just running away. Who will really miss me anyways?? My brother doesn’t even really talk much anyways. My sister would be worried, yeah. My other sister would fake worry but be happy. My other brother… I don’t know. He’ll probably hit something and look around town with mom. My mom would be driving the police crazy. My nephews… God. I don’t even know. My friends will get over it. All except Bethany. I doubt anyone else would really be phased. Danny might remember me. I just asked him what would happen if I wasn’t here anymore, and this was his response: “I'd be very sad, i wont have anyone to talk about boys and funny jokes to anymore”. He’s adorable. He’s the only one I mainly talk to. He’s like my little brother. My Asian, Irish living, cute little brother<3 . Without him, I probably would have had so many more breakdowns, loneliness, possibly running away, everything would have been more on me. Who knows where I would be without him. But anyways… I think I’m done writing for now. Let’s see where I am later on this week…

     Bye…