Tension Like This

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine- sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes. I'm too lazy to read through it again right now... maybe later... maybe...

*Niall's POV*

I have a boyfriend. And not just any boyfriend, but a sweet, cheesy, lovable boyfriend that I know cares about me. So why do I feel so empty and guilty? 

After he asked me to, officially, be his boyfriend (Cause let's get real, he's been acting as if I was all day anyway) I just sat there like an idiot and stared at him, probably with some dopey expression on my face. Suddenly he looked all worried and started stuttering about how it was okay if I said no, that he would understand if I wasn't ready, and that he was stupid for even asking. As soon as I saw the hurt look on his face I knew I couldn't say no to him, he's done so much to try and help me get over him.

And now we are up in his room, which is about ten times as messy as mine, laying on his bed. I'm facing away from him, with my back up against his chest. I keep thinking that he has fallen asleep, but every ten minutes or so he starts placing chaste kisses on the back of my head, as if he can't get his head wrapped around the fact that we are together now.

"I love you Niall." He sounds as if he is on the brink of falling asleep.

"I lo--" I start, but Liam quickly cuts me off.

"You don't have to say it Niall, I don't want you to say it until you're completely sure." He gives my hand a squeeze, as if reasurring me that he's not upset that I don't push the issue.

"Night Liam."

"Night Niall"

I can tell that he is asleep now, I can feel it in the way his breathing is completely even, the way he lets out just a little bit of a whistle after he exhales. But I continue to lay there, my thoughts going at about a mile a minute.

Honestly, I know that I don't love Liam, at least not in the way that he wants me to love him. I wish I was in love with Liam. I wish that he had been the one to kiss me that night. Maybe then I wouldn't have to be lying if I tried to tell Liam that I loved him.

Everything would be so much more simple without the Styles boy stuck in my thoughts. Every kiss, every touch that I share with Liam I can't help but compare to those that I have shared with Harry. With Liam everything is safe, very sweet and loving, but I feel as if he is afraid that he's going to shatter me if he plays too rough. With Harry it's just the opposite, I feel as if he is trying to shatter me, trying to see how rough and passionate we can feel. They are at two completely different sides of the field, and I can't help but favor one over the other. 

Why can't I love Liam in the way he wants me too? Because I think, even just hours after becoming his boyfriend, that I will never love Liam as deeply as he loves me. But without Liam, I don't know what I would do. I couldn't live with both of them, knowing that one of them broke my heart, while I did the exact same thing to one of our other roommates.

And what if Harry got a girlfriend? How would I deal with seeing Harry touching, cuddling, kissing a girl now that I know what it feels like to have him doing those things to me?  

Am I using my best friend? Am I using Liam as a distraction? That's what it feels like, and I feel like a horrible person at the thought of even trying to use him. But that's what I'm doing, isn't it? Maybe I will develop feelings for Liam. I mean my crush on Harry came out of nowhere. One passionate make out session with Harry and I was gone. So maybe I'll just have to try the same thing with Liam. Then I can stop comparing. I've always loved Liam and Harry equally before this all started. I just have to slowly replace my feelings for Harry for feelings for Liam 

How hard can it be? 

*Harry's POV*    

I am so stupid. I waited too long to tell him, and now he's gone. He's dating Liam. And I'm going to have to live with them as they go through the whole stupid honeymoon phase that Liam always goes through in an extremely over the top kind of way. It's all flowers and homemade dinners, and cute dates that I could never even think up ideas for. 

Why would Niall pick me when he could have Liam anyway? Liam is basically the perfect boyfriend for any human being on the face of the entire planet. 

"Harry! You better let me in your room or I'm going to knock the door down!" 

"Shut up Louis! I wanna be alone!" Lou never has been one for understanding personal space. He probably never will be. I know he won't knock the door down though. He's all talk when it comes to stuff like that.

"Harry! We're serious! Let us in!" This time the voice wasn't Louis. It was Zayn. He on the other hand would definitely knock down my door, he did it to Liam's one time when we had threatened to post a embarrassing picture of him on twitter. "I'm not kidding! If you don't open the door and tell us what's the matter I'm going to come in there and force it out of you!" 

With a groan I roll out of bed. Hopefully Louis already explained the situation to Zayn, I don't want to have to go through the whole thing again. 

Louis- deciding that the one time I actually wouldn't mind if he told somebody, that it wasn't his place to tell without my permission- had not told Zayn anything at all, only that I was upset, that it had something to do with Niall, and that I had stormed off to my room just minutes after getting home. So I had to go through the entire story. 

After I was done both Louis and Zayn had shock written clearly across both of their faces.

"Liam is gay?!" Louis asked at exactly the same time as Zayn exclaims, 

"Harry! You're gay?!" Zayn couldn't keep his mouth closed. He looked as if questions were constantly running through his head, but that he was too nervous to actually ask each of them. "So- so you and Niall-" He still looked as if he had trouble grasping the concept "But-But Liam and Niall-"

"Well, I think I might be bi. I'm not for sure, because, well the only guy I've ever been attracted to is Niall. I don't really know what that means." I'm still very confused about the entire situation.

Zayn suddenly looks as if he's had a epiphany "Maybe you're going through a phase." 

"A phase?" Both Louis and me give him a confused look. 

"A phase where you are confused about your sexuality. A lot of people through them." He thinks about it for a moment. "Actually, I was kind of confused for a couple weeks during 10th year. I had this friend that had the most spectacular eyes, but after a few weeks I didn't have crush on him at all. It kind of just went away, and I've never been attracted to a guy since then."

A phase. Maybe that's what I'm going through? That's possible right? A lot of people get confused about who they like. "Well, how do I know if it's just a phase. What do you think I should do? I'm desperate." I give them both a pleading look. 

"Well," Louis looks nervous before he even starts suggesting something, "have you ever considered going to a gay bar?"

~End of Chapter Nine~

I'm sorry that this is kind of a filler chapter but I can't just make the story completely full of drama every single chapter or it will just feel like I'm making everybody overreact. Zayn finally showed up again. He's kind of been MIA during this story... Sorry for taking a couple days to upload I've been... busy (Read as: lazy) THANKS!