JOKES OF THE JOKES

Jokes...

* I don't mind making jokes,
But I don't want to look like one!
~ Marilyn Monroe

A guy is approached by a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint...my...house."

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health."
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.
Jackie

There were three guys on a plane.
One bit into an apple, thought it was too sweet. He threw it out the window. The second guy bit into a lemon, thought it was too sour, threw it out the window.
The third guy bit into a grenade, thought it was too crunchy and threw it out the window.
When the plane landed, they got off and saw a lil girl crying. they ask, "lil girl, why are u crying?" She says, " An apple fell out of the sky and hit my cow on the head and now he's dead."
Then the men see a lil boy crying. The men ask, "lil boy, why are u crying?" The lil boy says," A lemon fell out of the sky and hit my dog on the head and now she's dead"
The men keep walking until they find a blond woman laughing histarically. They ask," woman, why are u laughing so histarically?"
She says,"I just farted and that building blew up"

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.  I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely!  Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Lizzy Macguire or Hannah Montana?