Live To Party

❤️Letting go❤️

  Well I've exceeded my deadline. O2l is packing up today. I can't believe their breaking up. But I also can't believe we're breaking up.

  I threw my hair in a ponytail and we were out the door. We got Starbucks for everyone because it's going to be a long day. We're almost there when Jenn turns down the radio.
"Hey guys!" She turned on my camera.
"I haven't done a intro Jenn!" I'm driving so I can't take it away.
"So we're on our way to help the boys move."
"Jenn!"
"Hi this is a new segment called Shelby and Jenn take over while Stel drives."
"That's more editing!" I yell.
"So tell us, will you and Kian be starting together or separating for the best?"
"Ok seriously put it down." It was a joke until that came up.
"Sorry." Shelby and Jenn rearranged in their seats.
"That's not exactly something I want to world to hear right now."
"We understand, sorry Stel." Jenn says.
"Where's Nokia? I didn't see her last night."
"She went to Kian's."
"That's fun." Shelby says sarcastically.
"She's not a little devil." I try to convince them.
"She ate my shoe!"
"My hairbrush!"
"She hasn't eaten anything of mine."
"You've mistaken. She hate your laptop case." Jenn said uneasy.
"Who eats a freaking laptop case!"
"Yeah..."
"I'm saying NOkia more often than her normal name." Jenn says.
"Well maybe she just needs a name change."
"You need to get her in puppy training. That's what you need to do." I rolled my eyes in frustration.

  We arrived the boys weren't awake.
"Get your ass up Ricky." Jenn banged on the door.
"Connor! Jc! Trevor!" Shelby shouted. I ran upstairs.
"It's noon, get up." I tell Kian. He buried his face in his pillow. I knew he wanted to ask me, but he held it in.
"Good morning to you too." He stretched.
"Moving vans come at 4." I smashed my hand into his bed repeatedly. For a moment I looked around the room. I saw my things. A necklace hanging on a hook. A Polaroid of us tapped to his mirror. I giggled a little at my bra that hung on his closet door nob. I had shoes scattered on the floor. They were memories. I saw love.

  "Ricky this weighs 40 pounds!" Jc complains.
"That's my Pokémon collection, be carful." Trevor hummed Lets Roll as he loaded boxes.
"I'm gonna get my things." I told Kian. He nodded and proceeded to take off his shirt due to sweat. I wan upstairs, tracing my hand on the rail. I grabbed a box from the corner on the room. I didn't want to leave. This was my other home. He left my things neatly placed in the center on the room. I sat criss crossed and began to put them in the box. Carful not to ruin cherishable items like pictures and love notes on restaurant napkins. I picked one up and placed my finger on where the pen indented the paper. It said my only love is of a Rose... And not the other sisters. He tried to be funny. I giggled at his bad joke. He didn't plan on it but I began to cry. Whether we were breaking up for not we had history here. We laughed and cried in his house. I squeezed a teddy bear before putting it in the box. I wondered if he got the memo. My heart my full. I placed one last item in the box. I sat there in silence. I could here the guys arguing. Probably getting into trouble.
"Moving vans should be here any minute. So we're just loading he last boxes out of the house." Jenn says as her and shelby walk in with my Vlogging camera.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Shelby sat next to me and pulled me into a hug.
"I don't want to leave." Then all the tears started flowing. Jenn placed he camera on the floor and we hugged it out. They wiped away my tears.
"We don't want them to leave either." She says.
"If I had it our way we would all love together. A bunch of happy friends." Shelby said. I cried even more. I tried to keep the guys from hearing but it wasn't long before they heard and stormed upstairs.
"Who's crying?" Connor asked. I wiped my eyes with the sleeves of my sweatshirt. I kept them covered and Shelby held my head and Jenn rubbed my back. I heard Jenn sniffle before she talked.
"We don't want you to leave." She said.
"Come here." Connor held his arms out. Jenn went into them. Shelby helped me up and we all hugged. One giant o2l-Jennxpen-Shelby-Stellàn hug. It was impenetrable. It was friendship.

  I hugged Ricky before he jumped in the van and drove away. Followed by Connor and Trevor. This was not how I expected this to be. It was just Kian and Jc left.
"You make me proud, buddy." I told JC.
"I will, you keep making me proud." He let go and then giggled Jenn and Shelby. Kian took my hands.
"I don't want to leave either." He said. I make a laugh-cry sound.
"So are you with me, or with out me?" My heart jumped at that. It pounded and pounded. He deserved an answer.

  That night I crawled in bed. I plugged in the vlogging camera recording. I skimmed through and edited. I came across when keen placed the camera on the floor. It was propped up and got everything that had happened. The crying, everything. I decided I would keep it all and do a voice over with soft sad music.
"Today was not easy. Today was about long lasting friendship. Yes, o2l broke up and I had a melt down. We all do at some point in our lives. Intended or not. I leaned a lot today as I packed up the o2l house. I learned about love. Memories. Kindness. And more love. If you guys haven't been able to tell Kian and i's lives have been steering in opposite directions. We have tried to piece what we had left back together. I had 6 weeks to decide whether I was going to go with Jc and Kian or stay with Shelby and Jenn. I make a decision on what was best. What had a better outcome. I chose my girls. And that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Yes YouTubers cry. We have feelings and we have lives. This is my life and I'm not sugar coating it." I didn't know that Jenn had filmed Kian and I talking. I played it.
"Are you with me or without me?" I took a deep breath.
"My head says go and my heart says stay." He looked at his feet, still holding my hands.
"Stel.."
"Kian, I love you. I fucking love you so much. I didn't know I could love someone the way I love you. You have to know that I didn't want to do this. It took everything in me not to go. My life is here. My girls. My other girls. My moms. They're all here. I don't know if I could leave them. You are and always will be the love of my life."
"Maybe our life will come together again."
"Maybe and I would love that. But we need to take a step back and enjoy our lives."
"Can..can I kiss you one last time?" His lips pressed into mine.
"I love you."
"I love you too."  A tear feel down my cheek. I turned away before I cried anymore. This was a new chapter.