suicide notes 「 jungkook 」

saturday, 9/24/16, 3:35 am.

i just got home.

i was with you.

we laid in your bed until you fell asleep.

why do i always sneak off to see you?

i can never think rationally around you, but

i was careful to not touch you.

we faced each other in the moonlight.

i admired your face.

cute.

handsome.

perfect.

my wounds stung

like the fire burning beneath my cheeks

and i was afraid.

afraid of saying something i shouldn't.

afraid of you pushing me away again.

afraid that you'd sober up

and force me to leave you.

afraid that as soon as i left,

you'd drift away again,

acting like this never happened.

afraid that i'd get blood on your white sheets.

you said not to worry about that.

how could i not worry?

all i do is worry

about you.

i asked you risky questions

when i finally got the courage.

careful.

i had to be careful.

"why were you so angry, sunbae?"

i looked into your sparkling eyes.

i didn't want you to feel as alone

as your thoughts told me you do.

i told you some things.

you told me some things,

spoken and unspoken.

the words we spoke floated around us

in the darkness.

guarded.

you're always so guarded.

we talked until you slipped

into unconsciousness.

i didn't want to go.

not when you looked so peaceful,

with your puffy eyes slowly disappearing

behind your eyelids.

but i had to.

i thought about you while i pulled the glass out

of the soles of my feet.

they glittered in the light.

they were sharp and jagged.

but they were pretty, i decided.

so pretty,

like what you called me in your mind.

they reminded me so much of you

that i almost felt bad throwing them away.

how are you so breathtaking,

even when you cry,

even when you break things

out of anger,

even when you're so drunk,

so drowned in soju,

that i can't tell if you know what's going on?

you called me 'pretty', but...

you know you're

beautiful,

right?

-k.m.a