suicide notes 「 jungkook 」

ending note

first and foremost, i'd like to officially, formally apologize to you guys for you insanely fucking long it took me to update that last journal entry. i fUCKING suCK i know. sorrysorrysorry. the reason for that was because: basically, at first it was going to be a summary of their life together when they're old and gray, butttttt i decided to scrap that. because i want you guys to be the judges of how their lives turned out, if it worked or not.

but.

that being said.

the purpose of this ending note is to clarify some things.

so.

here we go:

usually, i feel like art and literature shouldn't need an explanation, but there are a few things i'd like to say as i officially end this book. thanks to all of you who are reading this, because it's important. not necessarily to the book, but more so to life in general.

there are times where you're going to be down. times when you feel lost, broken. times when you're in so much pain that you can barely breathe. it's inevitable to feel this way every now and again, but when you're feeling this way constantly is when you really are in danger.

depression is a real issue that is often made light of or misunderstood. i'd like to state here that the reason i depicted it as so dark, so dreary, so crushing and so turbulent in jungkook's character is because that's exactly what it is. it eats away at your insides and corrupts your mind until you have a false, sometimes twisted sense of reality and you're paranoid that no one actually cares about you, that everyone only pities you or pretends to care out of nothing more than self-righteousness and that you're helpless or even worthless. in the lamest terms, it's deadly cynicism.

some days are better than others, but the good days are sometimes worse than the bad, because you just keep wondering when you're going to slip back into the darker depths of your consciousness. and once you do, it just feels so helpless, like being happy is just a sick joke the world is playing on you, making you feel okay for once just to trample over you again and leave you even more broken than before. you start to wonder if it's even possible for you to be truly okay and not just saying you are so that people won't look at you differently, as if you're weak and pitifully pathetic. if it gets bad enough, the desire to die overtakes your will to live.

i know all this because i've personally been experiencing chronic, moderate to severe depression for several years. this has caused me to make bad decisions, my grades to drop dramatically, a lot of my relationships to go down the drain, etc. i'll sometimes lash out at people or avoid them altogether just as jungkook did with minah, taking out my anger at basically the entire world on people who didn't necessarily deserve it.

but i wanted to use this story as a way to show that even with the darkness, light persists: the people you love and who would break down without you, just like minah was to jungkook along with yoongi, jungseok and his eomma. people that will do anything to help you, because you matter so much to them. and even if you don't feel like you have someone like that, i promise you, they're there. your friends, your family, your partner if you have one. and if you don't right now, i promise that there will be at least one in your lifetime. you just have to wait for them, let them show you that they're there.

even if you only have one person like this, it's enough to keep you alive.

tell the people you love that you love them every day, whether you suffer from mental illness or not. but especially if you don't. the reason jungkook was almost the cause of his own demise was because these things were kept hidden. no one ever told him how much they loved him, so he thought no one ever did.