suicide notes 「 jungkook 」

∥ XXIV. SAVED ∥

너만을 사랑해 세상 모두 변해도.
even if the whole world changes, i will only love you.

I stood up all night when they let me out of my own hospital bed. Apparently, this time the upturned root in the woods managed to break my foot when I'd fallen. I couldn't care less about this, or if I'd get any treatment whatsoever. All I cared about was seeing Jungkook. So as soon as I woke up, I ran out of my room and through the halls where I remembered them taking Jungkook in.

And now here I was, sitting loyally at his side. The only sound in the room was the consistent, rhythmic beating of his heart represented by little beeps from the heart monitor. I never thought I'd come to think of such an annoying noise as music to my ears.

I sighed in exhaustion, not getting any sleep despite when the nurses told me I should go back to my room and rest. I wanted to be here whenever he woke up. I wanted to be the first person to see his eyes again. The eyes that were almost drained of life.

I bit my lip, forcing back the stinging in my eyes as I brushed his bangs out of his eyes.

Looking to my left, I saw that his eomma was almost asleep, eyes dragging themselves downwards despite her fighting as she rested her head on her hand.

Obviously, she was the first person the hospital called. With her came Jioon, her fiancé, and Jungseok, Jungkook's brother. Taehyung, and Seokjin had rushed up here when they got the news, calling Jiho and telling him as well. Yoongi was also called.

Speaking of Yoongi, he had come by the room a few hours ago, asking me to speak with him in private for a moment or two. I was a bit apprehensive to leave Jungkook's side, but when his eomma said I should go and that she'd take care of him, I gave in. Once we got into a more secluded hallway, he explained to me what had happened with the notes.

Yoongi said he told him that night before I came home from my encounter with Jiho when he was getting violent, having a panic attack, saying that he didn't think I felt anything for him. Yoongi told him that I must because I cared enough to send him those notes. He blurted it out and didn't mean to say it.

When I told him I forgave him for it, that he was only trying to help like I had been by writing those notes, he looked more than relieved, shoulders actually slumping as he let out a thankful sigh. I smiled and hugged him briefly before returning to the room, patting Jungseok's head as he played with Jiho's smart phone with a small smile as he sat in the waiting room before heading back to Jungkook's side.

The thing that was most saddening was that Jungseok wasn't even fully aware of why he was waiting for his brother in the hospital. He assumed he was just sick with a flu or something, and we weren't going to tell him that his brother had tried to kill himself. At least not for a while.

Jioon and the rest were now taking Jungseok around to the cafeteria and keeping him busy through the entire hospital; they didn't want him to see the large cuts stitched together on Jungkook's arms. And Jioon didn't want Jungkook to see himself and get upset even more when he finally did wake up.

So here his eomma and I sat in comfortable silence, listening to Jungkook's breathing together, praying they wouldn't stop. She'd stayed up with me the entire time since she's arrived, worried sick that he wouldn't wake up like the doctors said he would. It was probably making the wait for him to open his eyes all the more unbearable, but it's not like we were getting any sleep after this incident anyways.