suicide notes 「 jungkook 」

∥ XVIII. GAME ∥

답답해 누구에게 한탄해
frustrated with no one to talk to,
가끔 갇힌 것처럼 착각해.
sometimes i delude myself that i'm trapped.

I sighed heavily as I stood outside the building where my therapy sessions had been taking place. Seokjin and Taehyung thought I should go to at least a few to see if I could work on whatever it was that was eating me out from the inside out. I knew how it felt, the intense feelings of anxiety that made my hands shake, the feeling that something terrible was lurking right past the horizon.

I knew it must have something to do with Jungkook. What in my life didn't revolve around that man at this point? I just couldn't help it. He meant so much to me and if he left this world...

A life had always meant everything to me, no matter who I'd try to help. But this was somehow, impossibly more important to me. I knew that if I lost him, I'd lose such an important part of my life, an important part of myself. It felt like he was an hourglass, and the sand was slipping away far too quickly. And I just didn't know what to do, because I couldn't flip that hourglass over no matter how hard I tried or how much I wanted to.

I hoped that somehow these sessions could help me find some sort of resolution, because he'd been no help; he hadn't been replying to any of my messages for several days.

I'd only been to two sessions so far. I felt uncomfortable sharing personal information with people I barely knew, but they were group sessions, so I felt a little better because I wasn't the only one that had to share and some of the people might even have worse things than me that they were dealing with. I decided to go in with an open mind. And I still had time to warm up to the other people before I had to reveal too much to them. We were still busy learning each others' names and basic facts about each other.

Suddenly, there was a sharp yet brief honking noise. Startled, I jumped as I looked up.

I saw Taehyung's familiar car sitting by the curb, and I smiled, getting up and approaching the vehicle. I saw Jin's silhouette in the passenger side, so I opened the back door, setting my belongings on the floorboards.

"Annyeong~" came a deep voice from the seat next to the one I would sit in that definitely didn't belong to Taehyung or Seokjin. I jumped out of my skin, hitting my head against the ceiling of the car by accident and carrying a dull thudding sound throughout the car.

Taehyung started laughing hysterically and Seokjin punched him in the shoulder. "Aish, pabo," he grumbled to his boyfriend.

"Gwaenchanha, Minah-yah?" He asked me, turning around in his seat to look into my eyes.

With red cheeks, I nodded, rubbing my head where I hit it. I looked up at Jiho as I sat next to him in the back, buckling my seatbelt. He stifled a laugh.

She's so clumsy... But it's kind of cute, actually.

I didn't think my blush could deepen, but it did instantaneously at his mental comment.

"Gwaenchanha?" Jiho asked me quietly while Seokjin was busy scolding Taehyung.

I nodded, staring down at my lap in embarrassment. "I was just surprised. I've been jumpy lately and I didn't expect you to be here," I explained myself.