suicide notes 「 jungkook 」

sunday, 10/29/16, 7:47 am.

you told me not to leave this time

after you kissed me.

you told me to stay because you

hate waking up alone.

i'm sorry, but today you will be,

because i left as soon as the light

touched my eyes and i finished

gently cleaning the little scrapes

below yours.

i just couldn't stand to leave you like that.

and i'll probably never forget your face

when i lifted myself from your bed

for what i kept telling myself

would be the last time.

you were fast asleep, but

it was like you could sense that i

was leaving you,

because you frowned so deeply.

and i heard you mumble,

"jaebal kajima."

i thought you'd woken up at first

and i froze in place,

but you kept your eyes closed,

mumbling as you reached out for me.

but i dodged your arms

and handed you my pillow

and you held it close.

i didn't even realize i was crying until

i bent over your sleeping form

and kissed your wound

and one of the tears dropped onto it

and your face softened.

"saranghaeyo," i whispered,

but only because

i knew you couldn't hear,

and i could never say them

to where you could,

and i didn't know how

i'd ever be able to live with myself

if i didn't voice them

at least once.

will you be mad at me again

when you wake up?

probably...

i left without looking back,

quietly walking into my apartment.

seokjin-oppa and taehyung-oppa

have yet to wake up,

just like the rest of the world.

it's so silent here.

the silence scares me,

because

it forces me to think.

and once i start thinking,

i can't stop.

and now i'm crying again.

oh, how i've come to hate the silence...

i wonder what you needed to

talk to me about.

last night, i was so wrapped up in you

that i forgot to ask.

but maybe it's better this way.

maybe we should stay silent

and just speak through

glances and notes.

at least until

i can somehow

fall out of love with you

and you can

stop kissing me

and making me fall even more.

-k.m.a