certain things

38.

"Alright, Sam, just a few more pushes and you're done." Doctor Mane said.

"I can't do it." I shook my head and Liam gripped my hand, pushing the hair back from my face.

"I got you. I'm right here. Just a couple more minutes." Liam said and I prepared myself to push again.

I did after Doctor Mane counted to three and pushed, feeling as if my whole abdomen was being ripped in half. I couldn't help the scream that fell from my lips and Liam rubbed up and down my back, trying to help.

"You're doing great, Sam. He's crowning." She smiled and I nodded.

I pushed once more and once I heard crying, I took a deep breath and leaned my head back, trying to block out the pain that was piercing through my body. Liam cut the umbilical chord and the doctors wrapped the baby up in a blanket.

"Do you want to hold him?" Doctor Mane asked and I shook my head.

Since we were giving the baby up for adoption, I didn't want to hold him and be emotional about it. I knew that the adopting couple was out in the hallway, waiting for him, and I couldn't bring myself to hold him.

"You did great, babe." Liam whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead and I just nodded, forcing a tight smile. "I'm gonna go tell them that it went well but I'll be back in a couple minutes."

I watched as the nurses cleaned up the baby and tears filled my eyes, and not from the pain in my abdomen. Doctor Mane stitched me up after getting the placenta out and a tear fell down my cheek when Anna and Jacob walked in, huge smiles on their faces. The nurses handed him to Anna and she smiled over at me. Liam took my hand in his and rubbed his thumb back and forth across mine, giving me a small smile.

"Thank you for everything, Sam." Anna smiled and I nodded, pulling my hair into a ponytail.

"No problem." I said quietly, finally being able to set my feet down and sit comfortably.

Anna and Jason thanked us multiple more times before having to hand over the baby and get him weighed and stuff. They left the hospital room and I was left to myself with Liam in the chair next to me. I wiped my cheeks to get stray tears off and Liam frowned, grabbing my hand. I kept my eyes on the hospital blanket, sniffling a little and not daring to look at him.

"You feeling okay?" He asked quietly and I shrugged, not really knowing how I was feeling.

"Can you lay with me?" I asked, my voice breaking and his face fell.

Liam hesitantly nodded and I scooted over in the hospital bed, allowing him room. Liam sat down and I leaned my head on his chest, he wrapped an arm around my waist. Liam combed his fingers through my hair and I sniffled, more tears filling my eyes. He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes, trying not to completely break down right now.

"Everything is gonna be okay." Liam whispered and I nodded. "This was the best decision for us, right now."

"I know. It's just hard." I sniffled and looked up at him and Liam brushed a strand of hair from my face.

"Have you changed your mind about it?" He asked after a minute and I shook my head.

"No, I'm just sad because I carried him for nine months and in one day, he belongs to another couple." I laughed a little and wiped my cheeks to get the tears off.

"Well, we did a good thing for someone else. Just think about how happy Anna and Jason are." Liam pointed out and I nodded.

I leaned my head back on his chest and looked up at the ceiling, watching the fan blades slowly move around and around. Liam moved his hand up and down my back in a comforting motion and I felt my eyes close after a while. After being in labor for twelve hours, I was sufficiently exhausted and my body was numb from all the medication. I just wanted to sleep.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to do a few tests." I looked up as Doctor Mane walked in and Liam sighed, getting up after pressing a kiss to my forehead.

Liam left the room and the doctor started to do whatever tests she needed to. More tears filled my eyes and one fell down my cheek as I saw Jason and Anna walk down the hallway with the baby in their arms, huge smiles on their faces. Doctor Mane put an IV in, making me flinch and more tears to fall. She sighed and gave my shoulder a comforting pat.

"Are you alright, honey?" She asked and I hesitated before shaking my head. "You did a really great thing for that couple."

"I know." I whispered, my voice cracking and I closed my eyes, reaching up to wipe my cheeks off.

"Well, you can rest for a while and go home tomorrow afternoon. Do you want me to send in Mr. Payne for you?" I nodded and she left the room, Liam coming in a moment later.

His face fell as my bottom lip wobbled and he walked over, returning to his spot that he was in a few minutes earlier. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and when he pulled me closer, I completely broke down. Tears streamed down my cheeks and small sobs escaped my throat, making it hard to breathe. I felt stupid for being so emotional and I wanted to blame it on the hormones, but I knew that wasn't it.

"I'm sorry." I choked out. "I know how you wanted kids and I just wanted to give him up and now you're upset and so am I and-"

"Shh." Liam laughed a little and wiped my tears. "Stop blaming yourself. I'm not mad." I hesitantly nodded. "Take a deep breath and try and get some rest, okay?"

"Okay." I hiccuped and finally settled into the uncomfortable bed, shutting my eyes and being overtaken by sleep.