certain things

13.

"Li?" I called out, hearing the front door open.

I stood up from the couch, setting my computer down, and walked out of the living room. I ventured into the kitchen and saw Liam setting his jacket on the back of the chair. He looked up as I walked in and his bottom lip began to wobble. Before I knew it, Liam broke down into sobs. I gasped a little and stepped over to him, pulling him into a hug. Liam cried into my shoulder and I held him close to me.

"Why'd he leave me?" He barely got out and I sighed, rubbing up and down his back.

"I don't know, babe." I whispered and he collapsed to the floor, taking me with him.

I let him rest his head on my chest, bawling his eyes out. I smiled a little to myself, happy that he was finally showing some emotion. When Geoff passed, he acted as if he was fine, saying that he had to take care of his mum and didn't even talk to me. I knew sooner or later he would break and I was happy it was now. He shouldn't bottle it up.

"I'm sorry." Liam hiccuped and I sighed, pulling him up from the floor.

I walked him to my bedroom and sat up against the headboard, allowing him to rest his head on my stomach, an arm slung across my hips. I ran my fingers through his hair and his tears didn't seem to stop. It broke my heart to see him like this, but I knew he needed to cry.

We went back home for the funeral and Liam had no emotion whatsoever. I tried to keep my composure for his sake and I did. I kept my emotions under check and was there for him, even when he didn't want me to be.

"Don't be sorry." I whispered and he held me tight, small sobs escaping his lips. "It kills me to see you like this."

"I miss him so much." He cried and I felt tears fill my eyes as he kept crying. "I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"Don't say that," I mumbled as he plopped his chin down on my stomach. I wiped his cheeks but the tears just kept falling. "He wouldn't want you this upset."

"I don't know how you did it. I mean, you have a dad and then one day you don't anymore." Liam sniffled, making me frown, knowing how he was feeling right now.

When my dad passed away, I completely shut down. I went to class and came home, only to stare blankly at the wall, not talking to anyone. I almost lost my scholarship because of how my grades dropped. I remember one day, I broke down. Liam got to the apartment to find me sobbing in the living room, picture frames smashed all around me.

I had found all the family pictures I had and threw them at the wall, not wanting to think about not having anyone. It made me sick. After Liam calmed me down, he offered to take me back to Wolverhampton to see Anne. I went and it was like I couldn't stop crying while I was home.

"Have you talked to your mum?" I asked quietly after a while and Liam shook his head.

"I can't do it. Every time I talk to her, she just cries, saying how much I remind her of him. It's so hard to see her in so much pain." I frowned as he explained why he hadn't talked to his mum and continued to run my fingers through his brown hair.

"Are you okay?" I hesitantly wondered and he shrugged.

"I will be." He offered me a small smile and I returned it, leaning my head back on the grey wall.

We sat in silence and soon, small snores filled the room, letting me know that Liam was asleep. I smiled to myself, happy that he was finally getting some rest. With the funeral and his family, I've noticed how tired he was. At night, I can hear him tossing and turning before the TV in the living room comes on.

After a few minutes, I slowly slid myself out from under him and he rolled over in my bed, curling up around a pillow. I pulled the covers up and over his large body, flicking the light off. I walked to the kitchen after shutting the door and pulled out a pan to start on dinner. I began cooking tacos and put a couple tortilla shells in the oven to warm them up. I noticed a piece of paper sticking out from my bag and I sighed, realizing that it was the one from NYU. I still haven't told Liam.

"Sam?" I jumped, hearing Liam come into the kitchen, and realized I had been staring at my bag for at least twenty minutes. "Are you burning something?"

"Shit," I mumbled, opening the oven to get the shells out, which were now black. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's fine. Thanks for earlier." He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me and I smiled a little, leaning back into him.

"It's what I'm here for, Li." I gave him a small kiss and went back to cooking, trying not to burn anything.

"You were in like super deep thought when I came in here." Liam chuckled, his voice raspy from just having woken up. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing." I lied and went to grab some chips from the cabinet. "What do you want to drink?" I changed the subject.

"I don't care." Liam shrugged, sitting down at the counter with his plate.

I fixed us both glasses of water and sat down next to him, taking small bites of my food. My thoughts were going a million miles a second in my head and it was hard to eat. We ate in a comfortable silence and I was grateful for the need not to talk. Liam grabbed my hand under the counter and I offered a small smile, taking a bite of my taco.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Sam." Liam whispered after a while and I felt my stomach drop.

"You'd starve, that's for sure." I choked out a laugh and Liam laughed, leaning his head on my shoulder. How am I gonna tell him?