certain things

6.

"Race you down!" Harry yelled and I rolled my eyes, sitting down on the sled.

"It's not fair, you guys are heavier!" I whined as Liam sat on a sled beside me.

"Ready, go." Liam said and before I could process, they were sliding the hill.

I groaned to myself and pushed off, making my way down the snowy hill, following them down. They stopped at the bottom and stood up, high fiving. God, they're jerks. I finally made it to the bottom of the hill and huffed, standing up.

"Ha! In your face!" Harry pretended to do a gang sign and I just shook my head with a laugh.

"At least I can build a proper snowman." I snarked and he frowned, tugging at his beanie. "Now, I am going to go inside and warm up while you cheaters freeze to death."

I began to trek back up the hill to the cabin and suddenly something cold hit my back, trickling down the inside of my coat. I shrieked and turned around to see the two boys, doubled over in laughter. I just groaned and continued my way up when another one hit me.

"Go fuck yourselves." I shouted, hearing them roar with laughter.

"Language, honey!" Anne poked her head out the cabin window and I just set my sled down in the garage, stepping out of my snow boots.

I walked inside the cabin, warm air immediately greeting me along with the smell of cookies. I hung my coat up along with the others and walked up the stone steps to Gemma and I's room. I shut the door behind me and her and Justin, her boyfriend, laughed as I tossed my beanie to my bed. I went over to the closet and hung up my heavy sweatshirt, taking off my second pair of leggings, leaving me in leggings and a tank top. I slipped on dry fuzzy socks and a thick sweatshirt, pulling my hair up. I padded to my bed and flopped down, getting my phone out.

"Who you gonna kiss at midnight tonight?" Justin wondered and I looked over at him and Gemma, smiling a little at how cute they were together.

"The beer that I will be drinking." I answered with a laugh and Gemma rolled her eyes.

"What about Liam?" Gemma hesitantly suggested and I groaned, burying my face in my pillow.

"I hate you two." I muffled as they laughed and stood up from the bed.

I left the room, jogging down the steps and into the living room that connected to the kitchen. Anne and Karen were in the kitchen, cooking something and drinking wine. I plopped down at the counter and grabbed the bottle, pouring some in a glass. I took a sip and watched the two most important women in my life interact.

"Whatcha thinkin about, bub?" Karen asked, leaning against the counter with a smile.

"Nothin." I sheepishly smiled and took another drink of the wine, rubbing my hands together to warm up.

"I think we're gonna take family pictures tonight." Geoff came in from the living room and I felt my face fall.

"Um, I need some air." I muttered and stood up, grabbing my coat.

I heard Anne and Karen sigh as I tugged on my boots and went outside. I shut the door behind me and leaned against it, taking a deep breath. This is the first year we've come to the cabin without my dad. I'm the only one here without any real family. I'm the add in. I looked up as Liam and Harry walked into the garage and Liam cocked an eyebrow at me. I probably looked like a wreck. He made the move to pull me into a hug, but I just brushed past him until he grabbed my arm.

I didn't even have to say anything and he pulled me into a hug. I felt tears fill my eyes and he held me close to his chest, rubbing up and down my back. I wrapped my arms around his torso and breathed in the scent of my best friend. He felt like home to me.

"C'mon, let's go inside." He mumbled in my ear and I nodded, pulling away from the hug. We walked inside and I kept my head down, avoiding the pitying stares of Karen and Anne.

"Sam, I'm sorry. I know how you feel." Anne sighed and I shook my head.

"It's fine." I muttered, not wanting to get into this.

"No, it's not. We shouldn't have brought it up." Karen said and I looked up, frowning.

"Bring what up?" I asked, loudly. "Bring up how my dad isn't here? It's pretty obvious, I think. It's not like I can never talk about him. It's like you all are all scared to talk about him because you think that I'll have some sort of mental breakdown or something. He's dead. There's nothing that we can do about that. So please just stop acting nervous when he comes up." I finished and my voice broke.

"Sam," Harry started and I humorlessly laughed.

"Okay, I know that you're all thinking it. I have no family. I am just the add in here. It's always been like that! Ever since my mum left, all you all do is pity me and I really can't take it anymore. I don't want to be the little orphan anymore. I just want it all to stop." It felt like I couldn't breathe as I talked and they all watched me with concern in their eyes.

I couldn't deal with the glances anymore so I ran up the stairs and to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I can't believe I spilled all of that. Everything that I have held inside of me for the past year just came spewing out. I paced the bathroom and shook my hands out, trying to breathe normally. Someone knocked on the door and I couldn't even tell them to go away.

"Sam, can I come in?" I heard Liam ask and a tear fell down my cheek as I braced myself against the sink counter.

"Please go away." I struggled to say and I started breathing really heavy, tears now freely falling down my cheeks.

Before I knew it, the bathroom door was being opened and Liam slipped in. I immediately broke down. He caught me before I could fall to the floor and he held me tight to him, rocking us back and forth. I struggled to catch my breath and he combed his fingers through my hair, shushing me. He slid us to the floor and I curled into his chest, trying to stop crying.

"You're okay." He whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"No, I'm not. I don't know why you guys can't understand that." I hiccuped and he rubbed a hand up and down my arm.

"Just take a deep breath, alright?" Liam asked quietly, moving a few strands of hair from my face. I nodded, trying to do what he said.

"Panic attack." I choked out and he sighed, squeezing me really tight. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, Sam." Liam softly chastised me and before I could say anything else, he put a hand to my mouth to shut me up.