Nothing Lasts Forever

Chapter 23

My hands start to shake a little as Dylan walks towards me. I'm overwhelmed by everything that's happened today. Just looking at him I feel like I could faint. I want to run away from him but I know I have to face what's next and how to handle it.

"I've been looking for you all day. Where have you been? Didn't you get my message earlier today?" he looks confused.

"I've been avoiding you." I casually reply looking at him and quickly looking away.

"I can see but why?" he comes a little closer to me making me want to jump back but I stay still.

"I'm scared to know if it's real. Is it true that you broke up with Katherine for me?"

He runs his hands through his hair and studies my face for a minute," If I tell you, you might not like the answer. You'll probably get mad."

"You might as well tell me I'm kind of mad already. Also I should know since I'm involved with this rumor." I look into his crystal blue eyes hoping that the answer isn't what I think it is.

"I did break up with her because I like you. It's just not fair to be with her when I like you... I just" He trails off.

"But I don't like you like that. If I'm being perfectly honest with you I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. You're so sweet and kind to me I don't want to wreck this amazing friendship we have. I'm sorry. I hate being put in this position. I really hate turing you down but I'm not ready right now." I can't look in his eyes knowing if I did they'd break.

"I know it's really fast and sudden but it felt right. I totally understand if you're not ready. I'll wait till you are. I want to be with you."

"You shouldn't waste your time on me. I'm not sure if I'm worth it. I'm not even sure if I'll get over him."

"Tell me what's so special about him." he crosses his arms.

"It was a short relationship but do you ever see someone and have an instant connection? We had that. He was the first boy I've ever actually loved. I know it sounds stupid since the relationship was three months but I felt like I've known him for forever. And I know at one point I'll move on and I'll never remember him but I think that it's going to take me a while. He left a imprint on my heart." I feel myself smile as I say that.

"He sounds like a great guy. Why did you ever break up?"

I bite my lip trying not to think of that time and hold back any tears," I don't want to talk about that right now."

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." he apologizes.

I nod," listen I would so be in a relationship with you if I wasn't feeling this way but I am. I just can't get him out of my mind."

"It's cool. Just to let you know I'll wait for you." he walks away from my locker.

I feel relieved that the conversation is over. It wasn't what I thought it would be but I'm glad that it's over. I close my locker and head home.

__________

I walk through the door and run up to my room. I lay on my bed and wonder what it would be like if Robbie and I were still together. Would he be with me right now cuddling and watching Friends reruns? His kisses still linger. I feel his touch as if he was right next to me.  He's like a ghost haunting me. Should I contact him? What would I say if he answered? I reach for my phone and open iMessage. I click on Robbie's texts and start to write. I reread the text and realize how stupid I sound. I delete it so that all is left is a simple hi.  I bet he wants nothing to do with me. I bet he's kissing Tori and not even missing me at all. I look back at the text. The cursor fading in and out waiting for me to write something else; I have nothing else to write but I have a lot to tell him. I don't think calling him is the answer if I did it would make it worse and make me feel embarrassed. I'm just overthinking it. I need to chill and calm down.  I stare at my screen wondering what would happen if I sent it. My thumb hovers over the send sign. I realize how pathetic it would look if I sent that to him and quickly delete it.

"How did it go with Dylan today?" Lauren asks.

I jump up startled from her voice," it didn't go well. I rejected him."

"You turned him down? Why?" her jaw drops.

"He's perfect and charming and kind and caring but he's not Robbie." I tell her," I know it's stupid but I can't stop thinking about him. I don't know why. I wish I had amnesia so I'd just forget about him and go on with my life."

"You still think of him after everything he did to you?" her voice sharpens and tone rises.

"I know I hate myself for it. Believe me I'm trying to let go but my heart is resisting. I want to so bad."

"The first step of letting go would be to go out with Dylan. Dylan would treat you right and not kiss other girls."

"I'm not ready for a relationship! I just got out of one." I take a deep breath,"I know what Robbie did wasn't right at all but in the end I'd still be with him and I hate myself for saying that. He tried to work it out but I didn't want to. Now I regret that."

Lauren sit's besides me on my bed,"I know that was a hard time but trust me there is something better out there for you."

"I want to believe those words. I can't help but think Robbie is the guy I want to be with."

"I know he said he'd wait for you but Dylan won't wait around forever." Lauren gets up and leaves my room.