Nothing Lasts Forever

Chapter 27

The doorbell rings. I think about pretending I'm not here. I have to go through this at some point. I feel my hands shaking as I twist the knob seeing him standing there in the door frame. His face looked worried and scared

"Do you want to come in?" I ask.

"No I don't. If you're gonna break up with me I-"

"No I'm not breaking up with you." I reassure him.

He sighed of relief, "really?"

"No. I'm sorry if I made it seem that way. I just wanted to tell you something. Everything. You should know everything."

"Should I be worried?" he nervously laughs as he takes a few steps in the house closing the door behind him.

"I don't think you need to. I've taken care of it."

"Oh geez that does not sound good." he laughs as he sits down on the couch.

"Ok. So I think I should tell you how we broke up. About my ex. It's very complicated and I think it's best that you should know everything." I said.

"Ok."

"Well my ex was that guy you met at the football game last night." I start out wanting to back out the moment I said that. It's too late now.

"I had a feeling. Listen if this is too much for you, you can stop." he rests his hand on my knee.

"No. I really want you to know everything. It just feels like I'm hiding a secret. You told me why Katherine and you broke up." I take a few breaths, "ok so he kissed his ex. Well his ex came onto him. We tried to still make it work but it was crumbling before we even started trying to build it back together. I got mad at him and said he needed to choose between her or me. He choose me but I didn't want to fix it. So I dumped him." I finally breath after getting that off my chest.

"I'm really sorry that happened to you. You deserve better."

"I have you." A smile creeps onto my face and soon turns into a quiet laugh.

"Was this all you needed to say?"

"I saw him today. I talked to him. For closure purposes only. I think it went well."

"You saw him?" I hear a little sadness in his voice.

"Yeah. Nothing happened. I do not cheat. Promise." I grab his hand.

"I believe you. I'm just not sure how I feel about you seeing him." he avoids my eyes.

"I swear it was the first and last time it will happen."

There was a silence filling the air. I could see him looking around the room trying to figure out what to say next.

"You're not mad at me are you?" I blurt out.

He sighs, "no. I understand you needed to talk to him. I'm not mad. If you say you'll never see him again I believe you. I'm sorry if I'm silent I'm just trying to take it all in."

"Thank you so much for being the best, caring, and, most understanding boyfriend ever!" I hug him not wanting to let go.

"Anytime." he laughs, "was that all you wanted to tell me?"

I pause thinking if I left anything else out. I thought about bringing up the part where Robbie sort of said I have feelings for him. Which I don't. I shouldn't bother bringing that up.

"Yeah. That was all." I tell him.

"Okay. I have to go I told Kyle I'd meet up with him at 11:00." he starts to get up.

"Ok. Bye." I walk him to the door.

"Bye." He leans in for a kiss.

I quickly kiss him goodbye and shut the door. My phone vibrates the second after. Robbie's name appears on my screen. I ignore it and try to push him out of my mind.

How is it that he can just show up in my life and act like everything is okay. Why would I ever go out with him again? Honestly why am I thinking about him? Was he right that I still had tiny feelings for him? I mean of I had to pick I would obviously pick Dylan. He's so kind and caring and a dream. He gives me things Robbie can't. So why am I thinking of him? Do I want to be with Robbie? I need to stop thinking about this. I'm with Dylan. I can't stop and think about Robbie. What we had was great and it's over and I need to move on. I want to get to a point to where I hear his name and don't even remember knowing a Robbie. My phone vibrates in my hand again. Robbie's calling.

"What do you want?" I angrily ask fed up with him.

"I'm not done talking to you." he said a bit annoyed.

"When do you know it's time to stop? When will you know that it's time to move on?"

I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted me." he starts yelling.

"I did!" I scream then freeze and I sit silent for a minute before I speak again," you're late. I don't want this anymore Robbie. You need to stop chasing me. You're messing with my head."

"I just don't like you with him." he sighs.

"Why? Because he treats me better than you? And you're afraid you're gonna lose me to him. You've already lost me. Robbie why can't you get it through your head?"

"Because I love you too much to let you go."

"Let me go because you love me. That's what I'm doing." More like trying to do.

"Do you still love me?" his voice went soft.

A rush of emotions flow through me when he asked me. I was mad and angry at him. But do I still love him? Everything he's ever made me feel from sadness to happiness to frustration to joy. Do I still love him? After everything he's done do I still love him in the end?

"Megan? Are you still there?" Robbie's tiny voice asks.

"I don't know if I love you anymore." I said.

"There still has to be feelings there." I could hear his voice crack a tiny bit, " after everything we've been through? You could leave without feeling anything?"

"I never said that. I just said I maybe don't love you anymore. We haven't been through much. You kissed her end of story."

"That never meant anything. You are who I want to be with." I could hear the frustration in his voice.

"I have to go Robbie. I'm tired of hearing about this. Bye." I hang up and throw my phone on the couch.

I've waited for this moment since we broke up. I wanted him to want me. Pleading for my forgiveness. Now that it has happened I don't want that anymore.