Something More

Chapter 029

Kinabukasan, maaga-aga akong nagising at kumain ng breakfast all by myself. Tulog pa kasi si Xander, eh nakakahiya naman kung gigisingin ko pa siya no. Nang matapos na akong kumain, naglalakad-lakad lang ako dito sa may beach at ineenjoy ang sarap ng simoy ng hangin.

"Hey, anong ginagawa mo dito?"

Napalingon ako at si Xander lang pala. Kakaligo niya lang, basa pa kasi yung buhok niya eh. And.. well.. he looks so handsome. I smiled. "Oh, mamaya pa naman yung lunch with the board members, ba't ka nandito..?"

He sighed. "Ano, Audrey, later tonight.. can we talk? Right at this place." He looked around and smiled faintly. "I wanna give you something."

"Ahh.. okay." I nodded. 

He waved goodbye then, at unti-unti siyang naglakad palayo sa akin. Hindi ko alam pero.. pag-ihip nang malakas nang hangin, kasabay noon ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko. I realized I really miss him. I miss my best friend, Xander. I miss him so much... I miss him.

No.. no, ano ba 'to? Ba't ba ako naiiyak dito? 

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That night, hindi ko alam, pero I felt like I need to prepare for it, kaya naligo ako at nag-ayos ng sarili. Wow lang ah, di naman sa nagpapaganda ako para sa kanya pero.. haynako. Basta. Saka curious din ako sa sasabihin niya eh.

So, before I went to that spot, I stated a little prayer first and gathered all the courage I had.

Nang makapunta na ako doon, Xander is already there. Kahit na madilim, sa liwanag ng buwan kitang-kita ko siya. His hands are in his pockets and he is looking up above the moon. I don't know, but I think he is smiling. Nang malapit na ako sa kanya, he turned and smiled even wider.

"Hey." he said. "Buti naman at pumunta ka."

"May magagawa pa ba ako?" I replied. Nanahimik siya, kaya parang nagsisisi tuloy ako na sinungitan ko pa siya. Nako naman.

"Audrey.. anong naramdaman mo nang bigla na lang akong nawala?"

I cleared my throat. Napatingin ako sa dagat, hindi ko kayang tumingin sa mga mata niya eh. "Gusto mong malaman? Okay.. Xander.. alam mo bang gulong-gulo ako noon. Hindi kita maitindihan. Sabi mo mahal mo ako, pero bakit ganun? Bakit bigla kang nawala at iniwan akong mag-isa nang wala man lang pasabi? Alam mo ba, ang sakit-sakit nun eh! Xander... mahal kita. Minahal kita, at patuloy kitang minamahal.. hindi ko alam, pero alam mo ba.. akala ko okay na, akala ko makakalimutan kita, pero nang makita kita ulit.. laaht ng sakit dito sa puso ko nanumbalik. Kahit alam kong wala na akong pag-asa, wala nang pag-asa pang magkaroon ng something more between the two of us.. patuloy po rin akong umasa. Patuloy pa rin kitang minahal. And you know what? Patuloy pa rin akong nasasaktan."

"Audrey.. are you sure that you're in love with me.. or maybe, just maybe, you're just fooling yourself?"

"No! I'm in love with you Xander. I'm sure of that. That is the only thing I am certain of. Simula't sapul mahal na kita eh. Alam mo ba, para kang bangin eh. Ikaw ang pinakamalalim na bangin.. kasi sa sobrang lalim mo, patuloy pa rin akong nahuhulog sa'yo. Always falling, but never really reaches to the end. Akala ko madali lang, pero ang hirap pala.. nakakasawa, nakakapagod.. pero kelan kaya ako tuluyang babagsak? Bakit ba kasi ang lalim lalim mo?"

Umiyak lang ako nang umiyak doon. I broke down, cried and cried. Pero siya, hindi man lang siya gumalaw. After what it seems like 10 years, he finally moved, and walked towards me... patted my head and pulled me for a hug. And for an instant, parang ganito ulit yung dati. Yung dating kami, yung dating Audrey at Xander. Nung best friends pa kami, nung okay pa ang lahat...

"Audrey..." he whispered in my ear. "Alam mo ba, sa sobrang lalim ko, you take time to fall for me. Sumasabit ka pa sa mga sanga, at.. you don't realize I'm just there at the bottom, waiting for you to fall, ready to catch you. Audrey... you know what? It's always been you. Minahal din kita simula't sapul. Pero.." he smiled faintly and wiped my tears.

He stood up, offered his hand, at hinila ako patayo. "Sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa'yo.. masakit na.. at hindi na pwedeng ituloy pa. Audrey Tan, I'm getting married this month, can you be... a best friend for me? Will you be Elaine's bridesmaid and be there in the most important day of my life?"

And.. I finally reached the bottom of that cliff. Xander's cliff. But sadly.. yes, he held me for a moment, but quickly let go of me at tuluyan na akong nasaktan sa pagkahulog ko sa kanya.