Thantophobia (Joel Pimentel & Yoandri Cabrera)

Chapter 38

Joel's POV

1:37am

I've always liked bright lights. They can be lights caused by any stadium or just the bright light that the sun provides. It's ironic because I spend most of my time hiding in the darkness, it's never made much sense. It's like my life.

We finally arrive to the soccer field, the place that I wanted to show Mari. I turn to face her and she doesn't look tired at all. Her lame excuse of not wanting to come because of her big day, is no longer valid.

"So what has life been like for you these past few years?" I ask her without thinking. I didn't know what else to say and I've always wanted to know. 

"Oh you know? The usual." She cooly replies. How can it be usual without me? I know her life has been changing nonstop. 

"What about him?" I ask her. It doesn't take a genius to know who I'm referring to. I don't even have to say his complicated foreign name to know who I'm talking about. 

"Oh Yoandri? Yeah he's nice." She simply says.

I burst into sarcastic laughter. "Mari you're marrying this dude later and all you have to say is that he's nice?" I poked fun at her for her choice of words. They didn't sound sincere at all. She keeps lying to me, but she's only hurting herself.

"No. He's everything I've ever wanted. He helped me get through some tough times and the only thing I can give him in return is my sincere, true love." She says, a determined look on her face. Her expression can try to sell something, but I'm not buying it.

Somehow her words cut right through my heart.Although they shouldn't. I've had dreams in which she would tell me the same thing. That's the thing about dreams, they're always better than the reality you chose to live.

"Right okay." Is all I manage to say. I didn't want to show her that I was affected by this, so I shrugged it off. Nice move Joel.

"Yeah and I've made some pretty great friends too. We always have a great time together. Johann always pushes my buttons. Joshua is like the best person you'll ever meet and I have no words to describe Richard. They mean a lot to me and Joen-." Suddenly she stops in the middle of her phrase. She's no longer facing me, she's facing the big hill ahead of us.

"You and who?" I question. Encouraging her to finish her statement. 

"Oh it's nobody, just someone else." She quickly shakes off the subject and continues walking ahead of me. I follow closely behind her, making sure that I don't trip along the way.

I let the subject go, knowing that Mariana wouldn't add on to it. And I just didn't want to pick a fight. I continue following her until we reach the small dirty bleachers. She takes a seat and I sit next to her, but still keep my distance.

"So this Yoandri guy, he makes you happy?" I curiously ask her. Here we go. She's about to stab you right in the heart with every word she says. It's cold hearted. 

"Yeah. He's always there for me and he's helped us a lot." She says, she can't seem to face me and I wonder why? 

"Us?" I raise my eyebrow at her.

"Um my friends and I. You know? They're nutcases too." She softly giggles, but I can see that there's something else to this.

"Do you love him?" I quickly ask her. I don't know why I keep doing it. It's like I want to get hurt on purpose.

"Of course I do!" Mariana says defensively. "Or else, why would I be marrying him?" She says as she looks at the ring on her finger. 

It's nothing extravagant. It has a diamond on it, but every ring has one of those these days. I could do better. I have some savings and I could also buy her a house. What am I doing? I can't even think that way, she's not mine.

"Oh I don't know, maybe pity?" I question her.

"No! That doesn't even make sense! He should be the one pitying me, not the other way around!" She says, speaking loud and clear. Almost like she wants to convince herself.

"It's okay, sorry for asking." I back track. I don't want to ruin whatever type of progress we had been making. Plus, my heart is starting to feel heavy.

"He's a nice guy Joel. I believe it was meant to be and therefore I'm going with what my head is telling me." She softly whispers. Her head? That's what drives her to do this?

"But what about what your heart tells you?" Wow. where did that come from? I'm getting all poetic and stuff. This isn't me.

"Hearts can be wrong sometimes. I'm sure my heart belongs to him, so there isn't any problem." Here she goes again bullshitting herself.

"You don't know that Mari!" I exclaimed. I don't know what's happening to me, but I want to save her. I want to stop her from making this mistake. She doesn't love him, she won't even believe in her own lies and it's breaking her inside.

"Joel you're no one to tell me that." She coldly laughs. "Let's just drop it. I don't want to fight." She adds.

"Fine." I agree. I didn't want to fight either.

"Thank you." She says so softly that I almost didn't hear it. 

~~~~~~

R.I.P Prince. He was unapologetically himself and he's taught me that nothing is better than that.

TORI KELLY IS IN CHARLOTTE AND I CAN'T GO! JUST IMAGINE HOW MUCH I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW. Maldita Pobreza! lolol! But I love her because her album helped me get through my break up with this bum ass dude. (please excuse my language) 

Here's a new chapter. I hope you guys loved it. Here we have Joel being a bit of an ass, almost like myself lol. I guess we're just both angry for being left behind. Life sucks for both of us huh? Don't forget to vote and I'll be updating soon.

What do you think about Joel so far?