Thantophobia (Joel Pimentel & Yoandri Cabrera)

Chapter 41

Joel's POV

3:57am

"I don't know." I answer her.

"Bullshit!" She screams.

"I left okay. I woke up one day and I didn't know who I was at or where I was. I felt pain everywhere. I left for California and my aunt took me in. As time passed I started to remember bits about my past life." I tell her the summary of my story, the twisted story that I didn't know all too well.

"No Joel, I didn't leave you. You left me." She starts. "Do you know how much I cried? I tried to kill myself because I wanted to be with you!!" She yells as the tears are now loosely streaming down her face.

"Mari don't." I start.

"No you have to hear this! I hated you too! I hated myself more! I hated you because you're the real reason I can never love Yoandri. I hated myself because I always looked at the photographs of us." Mariana is now walking all around, avoiding my stare.

"But then one morning I woke up and I wanted to live. I realized that yes, I love Yoandri. The pain of your death became less everyday and as time passed I found myself smiling more and more. I didn't forget you, you were always in my heart." She says as she finally looks at me.

"Hearts are wrong." I sourly quoted her.

"Dammit Joel, you're not listening to me!" She exclaims as she starts to pull on her hair.

"No Mari! Do you know how hard it is to come back and see that the person you love now belongs to someone else? Do you not understand how much it's killing me to know that you won't even have the same last name in a few hours?" I harshly confess.

"You love me?" Is all she chokes out.

"It doesn't fucking matter!" I scream at her. Anger is now taking over and I know that's not the way to go, but she has to hear me out. I need to let all of this go before it consumes me whole.

"It does matter Joel! But you know what? Stop blaming me for everything! It's also your fault." She says as she shouts back at me.

"My fault?" Oh how could she. "You broke all of our promises. Those that were sacred like any vow. You betrayed me." I tell her.

"Stop it!" She shouts. "I might not need you anymore." Lies, she knows it's lies. "But Joey does." She quietly says.

"Joey who? Is that your other boy toy?" I bitterly laugh.

She slaps me. She hits me hard too. "It's your son you fucktard! You have a fucking son you inconsiderate prick!"

Her words leave me in confusion. No I can't. "I have a son?" I question her as I sit back down on the sand.

"We have a son." She says. "He'll be two in June."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked her.

"Like that was possible. You're supposed to be dead Joel!" She says her voice getting louder as she speaks.

"He's the little boy from the park isn't it? He recognized me..." I say out loud trying to piece it all together.

"If you remembered me? If you dreamed about me, why didn't you come any sooner? Why wait all of these years?" Mariana asks as she starts crying once again.

Tears are now forming in my own eyes. I didn't know so I shrugged.

"You see Joel, I never betrayed you. You never meant to leave me. We only betrayed ourselves."

~~~~~

Oh how fucked up they are...