Thantophobia (Joel Pimentel & Yoandri Cabrera)

Chapter 40

Joel's POV

3:27am

We're now at a lake. There's nobody here at this time. I mean, who in their right mind is traveling the city at this time? The water looks black in the darkness, it's almost scary.

The night feels cold. Sitting in the darkness beside Mariana can be pretty weird. One second she's glancing up at me and the other she looks like she's deep in thought. I've came to realize that she's a complete mystery.

"You should stop." Mariana suddenly tells me. "You should stop having separate conversations with yourself. It's going to mess you up." She adds on.

Is that why people often say that I'm quiet? They always called me an asshole because of my sarcasm. Because I never say what I mean. "It's harder than you think. It's became a habit." I answer truthfully.

"That's a lie. Once you see that you can stop doing it, you'll be able to stop and move on with your life." She says with such a determination, that for a second it reminds me of the Mariana in my dreams.

"Oh really? Is that how you moved on from me?" And just like that, I ask the words that I've been meaning to say this whole night. And suddenly my chest no longer feels heavy and my heart is beating faster than ever.

Mariana looks at me with tears already forming in her eyes, but she quickly wipes them away before she speaks. "You know Joel, it wasn't all that easy!" She exclaims. "You were dead! I went to your funeral!"

"That doesn't mean anything Mariana!" I yelled back at her.

"It means that you were gone. Gone as in that you were never going to come back. I had to let you go and I went through hell while doing it." She says. I didn't know whether to believe her. There were things that I've noticed.

Like how she doesn't flinch when I touch her. Like how my words no longer phase her. I have no importance in her life because she no longer cares about me.

"No Mariana. You forgot about me. You left me like a one night stand. You never cared to see if there was hope, you moved on and went straight to him!" By now the venom in my voice was pretty evident.

"No Joel, it's not like-" I cut her off before she can even finish her sentence. If only she knew that every word she said was only adding more to my grief.

"Don't come at me with that bullshit Mari! You know, for so long I hated you!" I yell at her. I was aware that my word choice was harsh, but she had to hear it.

"Why?" She softly asks. Her eyes can't seem to find mine, but I continue speaking.

"Because for so long I dreamed about you and that gave me reason to live when I didn't want to." I told her.

"Joel where did you go? What happened?" And I now see that she wants to know the truth, the truth that I don't know.

~~~~~
40 Chapters wow. I didn't think I would get this far.

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