The Tuxedo Man (boyxboy)[Wattys 2016]

Chapter 23 - Devotion

[Picture: Adam Rider. Video: Devotion - Ellie Goulding]

It was an absolute pain.

To know that you've wronged someone with hopes that they did the same too, only to realize that they kept true, that they remained the same since you left, that he waited, that he still wanted me.

"What does he see in me?" I ask Jordan, not in pride but in honest curiosity. I wanted to know what someone so grand as Eric would want someone like me, I wasn't anyone special, all I am is a nerdy, homosexual boy who just happens to have a passion for music. "Elijah's gay, your teammate. Why wouldn't Eric go for him?"

He smiles, swallowing the lump in his throat as I see his Adam's apple sink before rising back up. "Elijah's a- hmm, how do you put it. . . an explorer? In a different kind of way." I nod, totally getting what he means. Elijah experiments with people, different boys, and different girls, judging by all the stories I hear about him hooking up with almost various names every couple of days. He seemed cool to be friends with, to get to know, I wanted to see how someone could live a life with no boundaries, no locks and no doors. He did whatever he wanted and that fascinated me. "Eric just talks about you all the time. He sees the way you suppress a smile when you're on stage with your violin, he sees the way you connect with the music like it's something he's never seen in his life. Eric's a player, you know? He hasn't seen the other side of the world yet, the side where the musicians and artists thrive. All he sees now is a world with hoops and games and championships, and he wants to know how the creative partition is." He explains, collapsing his hand on my shoulder with a surprisingly strong grip. "I wouldn't see it as something too serious. Eric's a player, remember? You're the first guy he's ever been interested in. He doesn't know how it's like yet being with another man. Maybe he's going to think that you'd be the perfect husband, maybe not."

He gets up, grabbing his AP Calc book and tucking it under his arm. "The team won't hate you, we're boys, we don't care as much as you think about the others' relationships. If you don't want him, tell him. Of course, he'd be upset, but he'll come around. The guys would appreciate your honesty  rather than just leading him on."

He flicks his wrist to check the time on his watch, the sun was behind him, lining a golden silhouette around his figure. "I have to go, I'm catching a date."

"Hey-uh, how am I going to talk to him?" I ask, getting up as I sink my hands in my pockets.

He smiles, taking a couple of steps. "Just be yourself, he loves that." He takes off.

_ . _

I'm dressed casually, nothing special but nothing trashy. Sweatpants and a shirt, that's enough for a family dinner right?

I didn't get the fuss my family's making about Dylan coming over. They're literally acting like the Mayor was going to be sharing dinner with us. Mom and Dad were both dressed in jeans and a formal blouse for mom and a button down for dad. Max felt obliged to follow their lead, but I refused to. Seriously, I've shared the bed with this man and I've seen him only in his boxers, he wouldn't fucking care if I dressed like I was ready for bed at the dinner table. The fuck is he going to do about it, ground me?

I told them Dylan was a friend that I met in grandma's cemetery, and I told them the story honestly until the night we shared at the Belvedere. That night, I told Mom that I was on a possible date, fully aware that she didn't know who I was talking about, and she probably assumed it was a girl, because that's the normality, right? I can't let her know that I was on a "possible date" with Dylan, not like this. I want to tell her personally, and I want it to be a gentle situation, not rash and in-your-face like just being hey, here's my boyfriend so, yeah, bye. I'm not into that. Dylan knows the whole plan, to just pretend like we're completely platonic friends for one night, or just act like how we were before we started dating. When we were still cat and mouse, playing the flirting game. He's totally cool with it, though there was a hint of disapproval in his eyes.