The Tuxedo Man (boyxboy)[Wattys 2016]

Chapter 26 - Outside

[Picture: Braydon Keane Raines. Video: The End - Ellie Goulding]

It felt lonely sleeping by myself. Even though it hasn't happened a lot of times yet, I already miss the feeling of having Dylan's arms around me, feeling his every breath brush past the back of my neck. I craved it and it felt awkward just not having him there. 

I also didn't want to get up today. I didn't want to go to school, knowing what it had in store for me. I don't know why, but I didn't want to have that dreaded talk with the girls today. I just have a bad feeling about it, maybe because I'm a little mad at them about how they just acted like I didn't exist yesterday. You can't just do that to a person without an explanation. 

But I guess that explanation comes today. 

I'd gotten up and I'm ready to go, but I've been lying in bed for the past fifteen minutes, staring at the ceiling without pressure as I still had time. I woke up earlier again, thus, I was able to take my time getting ready, giving me an opportunity to sing a couple of songs in the shower since I rush myself on a normal school day. I finally get the will to stand up and get downstairs, grabbing my keys by the front door as I walk to school, passing the streets of my neighborhood as the sun was beginning to rise. 

Yesterday, Max and Dylan had a talk about what just happened in the latter's office. It wasn't something I wanted him to do since I could've told Max myself, but it was a nice gesture, letting me know that he cares for me. A couple minutes after my brother sent me to my room, he knocks on the door and peeks his head in. We share a moment on the foot of my bed, facing each other as I tell him things that just went wrong that day. I tell him how I had to see Dylan because I knew I needed him, that he'd make me feel better just by being there. 

Max kept saying how he's worried about me, that for the past years I'm still breaking down every now and then which to him, isn't normal. I just think that it's me, you know? I'm a seventeen-year-old dramatic boy and the hormones that affect my body just don't help at all. I'd always have mood swings but I thought that it was just me, that I was genetically coded to just be unstable and unpredictable. One moment I could be happy, laughing my ass off as the next moment I'd be slumped over, wanting to be on my own as I overthink everything, creating problems that never existed before that. 

He wanted to see a Psychiatrist, he wanted to find help so that he'd be sure if something was going on with me, but I didn't want to. I told him that I was perfectly fine, that all the breakdowns I'm having are just a part of who I truly am. That's just my personality and that's just how my body works. He couldn't talk me into it, he knew that because I rarely do things against my own will. If I don't think something's right, I'd do something to correct it. And at that moment, I didn't think a Psychiatrist was necessary. 

But now, thinking about it, there wouldn't be any harm just going to someone to see if I have something and if there's anything I can do about that something. I might have an illness that I don't know of and I've just been brushing it off these years. Maybe I can finally stop it, so I text Max that I've changed my mind. 

As I approach the school gates, walking by the students getting dropped off by their parents and siblings, passing the parking lot I noticed that I was behind the basketball varsity. There were separated, grouped into threes so that there wouldn't be a big chunk of guys hogging the space of the school. They're real gentlemen, I'll tell you that since it's so rare that varsity jocks would be so kind. You'd always think that they're assholes and ignorant dipshits, but I guess our school does a good job of picking them out. 

Eric turns to his back to punch one of his friends in the shoulder, the other boy flinching as he rubs the sore part. "I was kidding, man." He chuckles, Eric's eyes catch mine. He turns to all of his friends, telling them that he'll catch up later as they all look to me, immediately sending mischievous eyes to their other pals as they leave the two of us alone, probably thinking how dramatic it is that Eric's still going after me despite the fact that I have a boyfriend. He's not, all Eric is doing is just being a good friend.