The Tuxedo Man (boyxboy)[Wattys 2016]

Chapter 33 - Human

[Photo: Dylan James Callaghan. Video: Kindly Calm Me Down - Meghan Trianor]

I had soaked myself in the shower for what could be almost half an hour now. I stood there, still, feeling the lukewarm water crash on my scalp then trickle down my skin. I was consumed by my thoughts once more, drowning myself deeper and deeper every time I overanalyzed what I'm about to face tomorrow. I'd close my eyes and just let my mind wander, not hindering it at all as I set it free to think about anything in order to prepare myself for tomorrow. 

I bring my hands up to my hair, massaging my scalp as the water brushes past my fingers, I stretch backward, taking a deep breath. Max can't let me down, he can't. 

They wouldn't think about kicking me out, either. I was their only son, their only real son. They can't just convince themselves that they can simply replace me with Max, and I'm sure my brother would disagree on the idea, too. 

I hear a knock on the door before hearing someone come in, making me panic briefly, my immediate response was to cover up, but my towel was on the other side of the bathroom. All I could do was to put my trust in this person not to open the shower door since it was the only thing separating me from this person. 

"Hey," I hear Dylan's voice, which is such a relief. He comes to my part of the bathroom, probably leaning against one of the shower's walls from the outside. "You okay? I was starting to get worried." 

I turn the shower off, the stream of water ceasing to continue flowing out of the shower head. "I don't know." I extend my arms in front of me to place them on the wall, pushing my weight against it as I put one foot back, letting out a frustrated sigh. It was just like Eric said, I couldn't just run away from my problems. I had to face this, I had to face them tomorrow even though I didn't want to, even though I felt like I'd rather do a million other things than have to confront my own family tomorrow.

I didn't get my fear of them just not accepting me anymore. If anything, two out of the three other people in the house were perfectly fine with me liking boys, it shouldn't be reason enough that just because it's mom that we'd have to follow through every single thing she says. Moms know best, yes, but they're human too. Humans are bound to make mistakes, it's how we thrive. 

"Can you bring me my towel, please, Dyl?" I ask, hearing him walk over to where I hung it. "Thanks." 

He hands it over through the space above the wall that separated us, grabbing it and wiping myself clean while in the shower. I guess we've come far enough into the relationship that I wasn't as bothered as I should be when he joined me here in the bathroom. It's not like we're seeing each other naked anyway. 

"I just-" He stutters, his tone sounding burdened. "I can't help but blame myself." 

I wrap the towel around my waist, securing it so that it wouldn't fall off accidentally. I pull the shower door sideways, the few droplets of water forming from the mist falling off of the surface and hitting the floor. "You shouldn't," I tell him, noticing that he's changed into nothing but shorts, his bare upper body still as distracting to me as the first time I saw him shirtless. "This is none of your fault, Dyl." 

He scratches the back of his neck, carrying a troubled look on his face. "If I didn't kiss you that night, your mom still wouldn't know." 

"Yeah, but she's gonna have to know at some point." I retort. "I don't think it's going to change the fact that she isn't really on board with me being gay." 

He leans back on the counter, putting his weight on his hips as he crosses his legs, folding his arms in front of his chest as he rubs his forehead. "I really don't think we should be dealing with this." He sounds exhausted, making sense that he was working late tonight. I should let him sleep, this problem was mine to face and mine to solve, anyway, he had to catch up on his sleep. I don't want him to jeopardize his company just for me. "Being gay should just be something normal. It shouldn't require this whole coming out process, it's just adding to the weight that we already carry from the moment we find out that we were a bit different from the others."