The Tuxedo Man (boyxboy)[Wattys 2016]

Chapter 38 - I'll Hold My Breath

[Photo: Eric Bradley Chancellor. Video: Treat You Better - Shawn Mendes]

I sat on one end of Eric's couch as he's still in the kitchen. Jordan was supposed to come over as well, but he's had plans with his girlfriend for the day. Shortly after, he emerges from the arch of his kitchen, carrying two mugs. Walking over, he gives me one, a good cup of coffee he's fixed up for me as he made himself some hot chocolate. There was a huge temperature drop today, the weather feeling like it was winter already, I'm currently wearing three layers of clothing. 

"So," He takes the other end of the couch. "What's up?" 

"Dylan and I talked about the whole Denmark thing, but at the same time we kind of didn't." 

"You're already confusing me." He smiles, taking a sip of his drink.

I bring my knees to my chest, resting the mug on top of them as I take a deep breath. "I wanted to figure things out, decide what the best thing to do would be but he just pulled off this romantic shit that I stupidly fell for." 

"What romantic shit?" 

"He started singing an Ellie Goulding song, one of my favorites," I say, smiling as the memory runs through my mind. "We danced to it. It was sweet, yes, but we just evaded the question." 

He raises his eyebrows. "Seems nice." 

"Oh, come on." I huff, glaring him down. "Now isn't really the time to be jealous." 

He sighs, sinking down further into his spot. "Well, you just gotta talk it through with him, tell him that it has to be serious this time." 

"It's easier said than done, believe me." I let out a frustrated breath. "He comes up with something that makes me happy and I'm immediately sidetracked." 

"You just gotta not let that shit get to you." He replies. "It's a classic move that guys do. Jordan does it all the time with his girlfriend whenever her mouth utters something that relates to buying dresses." 

"The thing is- I'm scared to hold on to this relationship if he's gone for five months." I tell him, taking my first sip of my coffee, which has cooled down a bit. "But I also don't want to break up with him." 

"Have you told Max about this yet?" He asks. "I can't really tell you what to do, Max might have better advice." 

I shake my head. I haven't talked to Max about this whole thing about Dylan leaving, not even right after I found out.

After he brought me home from UCLA, I lay in bed awake for the rest of the night, getting barely any sleep as I debated with myself on what the right thing to do will be. I know one thing for sure, is that if Max will be utterly furious if he knows about this. From another person's eyes, it will seem like Dylan just wanted to take advantage of me before he leaves, since being away for five months is quite reason enough to just break up. A lot could happen in five months, he could meet a guy in Denmark who's way better than me, all sorts of things could happen without me knowing. 

We'll barely have any communication since his schedule will be occupied that he can't even get an hour to himself, even his sleep cycle had to be on time for him to wake up early in the morning. I was still in the chase, everything about him still excited me but I don't know if he feels the same way for me. 

I don't want to break up, even though my mind tells me that it's the reasonable thing to do. I was still so attached to him, I didn't want to lose him for I knew that I wouldn't be able to find another guy like him, a guy that put others before himself. He did everything to see me smile. He was everything I ever wanted and I didn't want to be the one to just toss that away in my life.