The Tuxedo Man (boyxboy)[Wattys 2016]

Chapter 37 - Without Your Love

[Photo: Max Raines. Video: How Long Will I Love You - Ellie Goulding]

I hitched a ride with Dylan to UCLA, the travel being silent as I worried about when he'll tell me about Denmark seeing that it's already been three weeks since Harrison told me. I kept my hands to myself, feeling cold as I looked out the window with a heavy heart, the burden of knowing Dylan will be leaving was mixed with the anxiety of the performance. 

I just hope that he wouldn't be gone for long. We've spent all this time trying to get this relationship to work, from the minute my eyes spotted him in the graveyard to having my first time with him. The past three weeks have been pretty slow for the two of us, him being buried with work as I was drowning in assignments and tests. We'd make it a point to see each other at least one day of the seven that we had in a week, and we did. 

I didn't say a lot during the ride and he sure caught up on this. When he asked, I told him that I'll talk to him later, sending him off as we parted, me heading backstage as he joined my parents in the audience, seeing his eyes filled with worry, knowing that his heart was as heavy as mine. He knew something was up, he had to. 

After Janie walked me to my dressing room, I looked at my reflection, lit up by the lights that lined the mirror. My hair was done and my clothes were perfect, my hands jittering from the emotional dilemma. I saw a twinkle coming from my neck, seeing that it came from my violin pendant, I look down and hold on to it.

I'll never screw up a performance if I have this with me.

I close my eyes, hoping for the best.

Don't let me down. 

_ . _ 

Seeing all the music students perform was intimidating, only making my anxiety worse as with each one that stepped on the stage, I thought lesser of myself. They played the violin as if it was nothing, as if it was nothing hard shifting their hand up and down the neck, changing positions so that they could hit the high notes, their bows appearing like it didn't weigh a gram as it moved perfectly from string to string. 

I hear someone knock at the door, I get my feet off of the counter and sit properly. I tell them to come in. 

Janie enters the room, her hair braided elegantly as she closed the door behind her. "You're coming up soon." 

I let out a burdened breath, clutching the sides of the chair I was sitting on. "Okay." 

She walks over, leaning on the counter as she looks at my violin, running her fingers over each string. "I know they're intimidating." She smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "But they're college students, Bray. Of course, they're going to be good at it. They've been studying the instrument all their life, just like you have. The thing is, they just got more time than you." 

She leans down, straightening my bow tie. "You are going to be great." Her eyes meet mine. "I know it." 

She straightens her back, nodding over to the door. "Come on, I'll walk you to the stage." 

I smile, grabbing my violin and bow as I trail behind her, feeling more nervous than before. I didn't know why this affected me in such a way since I wasn't as frightened to be on stage as last time. Maybe it was the fact that I'm playing with such great musicians, but last time it just felt like I was performing with friends.

Maybe it was the comfort of knowing that Riley was right behind me, or that Dylan was waiting in the dressing room for me. Maybe it was the fact that I had someone to share how nervous I was back then, but now I just had to face it on my own. 

I was second in line, a boy with straight, flawless hair standing right in front of me, carrying his violin and bow in one hand as the other was in his pocket. He was called on and he walked confidently to the center of the stage, bringing his violin up to his shoulder as his fingers on his other hand shifted to the bow hold. The piano started and he followed, gaining the lead only seconds after. He didn't seem much older, he was most likely a freshman or a sophomore. For the entirety of the performance, he had his eyes closed and his eyebrows would move with the music. They would furrow at a strong point in the piece and raise at soft points, like he was one with the notes, with the tempo and the volume.