What Is Love - Barlow/Williams

Part 10: Understand Me

Chapter Summary:

At a table with his bandmates, and his boyfriend, Robbie has nowhere to run. The truth is out.

What will Gary's reaction be? (See the end of the chapter for author notes.)

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"I slept with someone else".

As the words echoed around the room, and into the ears of everyone at the table, Robbie just wanted to close his eyes against the world. Having finally uttered the words he'd never wanted to ever say...to confess to Gary, to admit to himself, it felt like he was petering on the edge of dark black hole threatening to swallow his entire world up and destroy everything.

"I don't understand" a small voice spoke to him from across the table, and he had no choice but to look up and meet the eyes of the one he loved, and the one he had cheated on.

Looking into Gary's beautiful kind face, he saw only innocent confusion there and it wrenched at his heart.

Robbie felt sick as he took a deep steadying breath before shakily he begun again, "I...I- I'm so sorry, Gaz – you have to believe me-", he pleaded hopelessly as he watched Gary's face change from one of incomprehension, to one of disbelief, shaking his head with a nervous smile, "No, you're not serious" Gary simply said, not daring to belief there was any truth, "you've got to be joking – this is a joke righ'?"

"Gaz-" Robbie started hopelessly...

"No. You're joking, you have to be!" Gary interrupted, his voice risen in pitch as a thinly veiled panic slowly begun to sink in; a panic that all he held dear to him was about to be torn violently away, "this can't be true, it just can't be", he continued, "Why are you even saying this?! I don't understand – why would you say that?!" he fiery added, almost rambling as the panic inside him grew. Robbie could tell however, it was all denial – he could already see the truth dawning in Gary's eyes, see the hurt and heartache already emerging.

And Robbie was only going to make it worse.

"Because it's true, Gaz – god I wish it wasn't – baby you have to believe me!" Robbie beseeched, reaching out for Gary's hands. Gary's demeanour immediately changed, knowing Robbie was not lying, he wrenched his hands out of Robbie's reach, pursing his wobbling lips, "How could you" he quietly demanded, but it was not a question, and Robbie knew that. Robbie hung his head in shame, cradling it in his hands. He wanted to pretend this was all a bad dream - that it wasn't really happening, he'd wake up in a minute, wake up in Gary's loving arms, and any memory of this would just fade like a wisp of smoke, as dreams do.

"How long's it being going on?" Gary's demanding voice piped up, still shaky but now quickly steadying with anger.

Robbie took his head out of his hands to look up at Gary, and in his eyes. It was heart wrenching to see anger now mixed with the pain, but Gary's question left him confused.

"How long's what been going on?!" he asked Gary, perplexedly.

"What do you think?! THE AFFAIR!! How long have you been at it behind my back?!" Gary coldly demanded.

Robbie felt his jaw drop.

Gary thought he was having an affair. In shock, his lips moved like a gulping fish but no words came.

Luckily for Robbie, the other lads suddenly made their presence felt, "Wooah no no!" They all practically said in unison, causing Gary's attention to immediately switch to the others, with blinking eyes, as if he was just remembering they were still there.