Here goes nothing was. "Well um I'm from New York, I know you already know that. When I was little I used to love to sing. I thought that, that was going to be my future career but I guess it kind of faded away."
"When I was around 12 I really got into modeling. There was something that I loved about the fashion world and walking the runway."
"When I turned 14 I went into a really bad depression I started cutting and starving myself." I showed him my scars. I started getting teary eyed.
"I never told anybody what I was going through, I always kept it to myself. It was my little dark secret nobody knew about. Everybody knew me as this happy cheery girl on the outside but behind closed doors my life was a different"
"I thought my friends were real but I guess not, they always laughed when I said I wanted to be a model so I never could count on their support because I knew they wouldn't care"
"As well as my parents they never supported me in anything they always expected me to be this perfect girl that would go on and become a lawyer or a doctor or someone of that class but I didn't want to be that I wanted to be my own person and follow my dreams not theirs"
"When I lived with them I was never a free person. I had to follow their orders or else I would get in trouble"
"When I turned 15 I was hospitalized because I passed out from malnutrition" I was crying at this point. I couldn't help it. I hadn't talked about this for a long time and to open up about it a few years later was hard. "I went to rehab for about a month to recover from my cutting and the starving"
"When I turned 17 I decided to move out of my parents house and into my own apartment which was not easy. I had to work 2 jobs and keep up with school. I don't know how I did it but I did. Whenever you feel motivated to get something you really want you go for it and that's what I did"
"I thought my life was getting perfect when I found a boyfriend. I thought he was my everything, that cared about me and loved me but I was wrong because he abused me. Not sexually but physically. One day I was laying in bed feeling dead inside. I told myself I had to get up and leave New Jersey. I had to find somewhere new to live and start fresh and so I did. I packed my bags and bought a one way ticket to California.
"Now I'm here happy with my life feeling free with nobody to boss me around or hit me with insults. I am completely happy and no one can change that because my guard is up and it won't be coming down for awhile." I paused.
"I have to go to the restroom I'll be right back" I excused myself and went into the restroom I rested my hands on the bathroom sink and let it all out. I was a crying mess.
I couldn't help it. Memories flashing back like a movie streaming in my mind. I just wanted to go home and lay under the covers and never come out.
About 20 minutes later I cleaned myself up and went back to the table. As soon as I sat down Saul got up and came to my side and hugged me. I honestly needed that. He didn't say anything, he just stayed quiet. I think he was at a loss of words.
He quickly changed the subject "so shall we head back now?" "Uh yeah we just need to pay for our food" "I got this. It was my idea to bring you to lunch" "yeah it was your idea but you are not obligated to pay. I will pay for our lunch" "no you are not. A man should never let a women pay. That's just not right especially when the man invited so I will pay"
We argued for about 5 minutes and then he finally said "fine I will leave my wallet here, give me your credit card and I will go and pay" "but I have to sign the receipt?" "I'll bring it to you" "okay, here you go"
He finally came back and returned my credit card. "Ready to go go?" "Yeah but wheres the receipt I need to sign?" "Their isn't one" "you have it in your hand" "yeah this is my copy" "what do you mean?" I took it from his hands. "It says here you paid with cash. Where did you get cash?"
"I went to put gas earlier and I remembered I had change in my pocket so that's why I went with the plan to leave my wallet here and pay with "your credit card" but in reality I was gonna pay with the spare change I had in my pocket" "slick aren't we?" I shook my head and he laugh. "Cmon let me take you home"
He drove me back to my apartment. When we got there he opened the car door for me and before I left he gave me a hug and whispered in my ear "I'm always here for you if you ever need to talk to someone don't ever go back to your old habits you're better than that okay"
"that means a lot, thank you for everything, for the lunch and for being a good listener and not judging, and for just being sweet, for being there. Thank you, really"
"no problem promise me you won't go back" "I promise" he smiled. I waved goodbye as I went up to my apartment. I opened the door and went in. Nicole immediately swarmed me with questions "how did it go?" Well where should I start?
