Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Chapter 12

"Are you ready?" The nurse smiled at Sophie as she set her up for the scan.

"Yeah, I can handle it." Sophie replied, trying to joke along with the nurse but it was obvious in her tone she wasn't up for it.

Most 'mum's to be' would come in here excited at the idea of getting the first scan and evidence of their growing baby inside of them but Sophie didn't feel that way.

She had so many thoughts running through her mind that she just wanted this over and done with. She had never felt so alone in her life, even when surrounded by a room full of people now she was still feeling completely and utterly by herself.

Therefore, since finding out the news, she had shut out every maternal emotion that had naturally hit her due to the pregnancy. She had pushed away every thought that tried to consume her mind about this baby she was going to be carrying for nine months and instead just focused on anything but that.

She was estimated around six or seven weeks pregnant and this was the first scan she had had. She was nervous but knew the progress of growth inside of her would not be enough to spark too many emotions in her.

"Here you go Sophie; here is your first look at your little growing baby." The nurse grinned, looking at the screen and Sophie reluctantly turned her head to follow the line of vision. "I can print you off a photo if you like?"

"No, I'm fine thank you." Sophie mumbled as she shook her head.

Glimpsing up at that screen changed everything in her in that moment. She suddenly felt sick and her face paled as she looked at this screen where they scan of the baby was present. It didn't represent the type of image she would be seeing at 11 weeks or more but it was enough to cause her eyes to be fixated on it, completely mesmerised.

"It's usually a little early but sometimes we can find a heartbeat if we're lucky. Your baby's heart is developing and will be beating anywhere up to 160 beats per minute." The nurse's words were blurring into one because all Sophie could concentrate on was on the screen in front of her.

So many thoughts were running through her mind of what she was going to do and she still hadn't made a decision.

She had come in here quite adamant that she had finally made up her mind but in this moment, she was suddenly unsure.

She had made the decision with herself that she was going to carry this baby but not get attached to it. She was going to find some amazing parents wanting to adopt. She didn't care that the potential dad may want to know and have a different opinion, it was irrelevant to her. She was going to talk to Juliet and Elliot's mum Alissa and discuss it with her. She worked in an adoption agency so she was desperately hoping she would be able to find the perfect parents.

She wasn't ready to have this baby. She was basically on her own and just reaching a positive peak in her career. She didn't want to drop that.

Therefore, this seemed like the perfect idea. Two parents who could not have a baby themselves could be blessed with hers.

However, as she looked at this screen Sophie was confused as to what she wanted. That baby on that photo was hers. It was growing inside of her and she was capable of caring for it. Whether she was alone in this or not, she had always preached that she was independent enough to not need anyone else so what changed that with a baby? Nothing should.

"Can you see that little blinking spot?" The nurse then drew Sophie's attention back in as she pointed to the screen of the scan. "That's the baby's heartbeat!"

As Sophie looked to where her finger was pressing against the screen, her breath caught in her throat as she attempted to hold back her tears. This had changed everything for her. This had made everything so real and drew her attention to the fact that the baby was alive inside of her.