Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Part 18 - why don't you join me?

"What's this all about?" Jess asked as she walked into the gang house to see Jay surrounded by paper.

The pair had originally arranged to meet up for a drink at their usual bar however, Jay had attempted to cancel the plans last minute. He had claimed he was busy and tried to rearrange however, Jess wasn't negotiating on that.

She had been intrigued to what had him so busy and it hadn't take many guesses to figure out where he was.

"Remind me to take that key off you." Jay remarked as he looked up at Jess with a subtle smile across his lips

"I won't"

Making her way over to the sofa, Jess took a seat beside him and purposely leaned over to take a look at his laptop screen

"What was so important that you cancelled on me?"

Removing his eyes from his laptop and over to Jess, Jay began to laugh.

"You know, when most people have a plan cancelled on them, they just accept it. They don't show up uninvited and demand answers that are none of their business."

"Well Jay Gibson, I'm not most people, so spill." Jess grinned, reaching out to take the laptop from him to take a look herself.

Skimming her eyes over the screen, it was one name; one country, that caught her eye.

"Las Vegas? Don't tell me..."

"We're planning on going back." Jay replied smugly, watching the look of disapproval spread across Jess' face.

"Jay..."

"What?"

"Seriously?"

When Jay had returned to Brighton the last time, Jess had hoped and truly believed he would never return to that toxic place. The gang life out there had caused him so much trouble in the past, that of which he didn't need to go through again.

"Yeah, seriously. It will be fun." Jay replied, as though they were talking about a holiday by the pool.

"It's not fun, it's stupid. I thought you were done with that place!"

"I was but going back once more won't cause any harm."

Jess couldn't quite believe what she was hearing right now. Jay was a smart man, she had never doubted that however, right now he was being idiotic.

He must have known it wasn't safe. He must have realised what was at stake now, yet he seemed to still be living in his twenties mindset.

"Yes it can cause harm! You have a family, Jay. You can't be so stupid anymore." Jess stressed, feeling like she wanted to physically shake him. "You'll get yourself killed."

"It sounds a lot like you're doubting my abilities, Jessica Montague." Jay challenged, trying to provide light to the situation yet also slightly offended that she seemed to doubt him so much.

"No, I think you're perfectly capable of holding your own but it's not as simple as that anymore. It's a matter of life or death at this point."

"You're being dramatic."

"No I'm not and you know I'm right! This isn't the same game we played when we were teenagers. So many people out there want you gone and I wouldn't be surprised if your own parents were included in that too!"

"Then I say bring it on." Jay grinned as though this was some massive joke.

He was clearly not taking Jess seriously and it was only agitating her more. This man was constantly on the search for a thrill to keep him on his toes but he didn't quite process the impact that it was going to have now.

Lauren had been accepting of him getting back into the gang but she wouldn't have agreed if she knew he'd be this risky. Jess empathised with the girl because she knew how stubborn Jay could be and how he was so overly confident in himself that he refused to listen to anyone.

"Jay, don't be so fucking stupid. You'll go out there and cause trouble for yourself that you can't fix."

"I'm not trying to fix anything, I'm trying to win."

"Win what?" Jess exasperated, throwing her arms out to her sides.

"I want to be the best, I want to be feared and I want everyone in this lifestyle to know who I am." Jay answered simply, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You already have all of that! You have nothing left to prove Jay. Why can't you just continue doing this for fun without fucking everything up?"

Jay could see the anger in Jess at this point yet it was making him want to rile her up more. The more agitated she got, the more the Montague in her came through and he'd be lying if he said he didn't appreciate it.

"If you're so worried that I'm putting myself at risk, why don't you just join me to ensure I'm doing it right?"

Not only did Jay's suggestion cause complete horror in Jess, it also managed to bring back that hint of temptation once again.

It was so frustrating to her that this kept happening because each and everyday she was trying to talk herself out of it. Jess was so desperately trying to get back into the mind frame of life away from the gang but now that she had had a taste again, it was becoming so much harder.

"No way! I'm not doing that." Jess threw her arms across her chest, hoping to make a point.

"Why not? You enjoyed business the other night, why not live the full experience again?"

"Because unlike you, I'm not stupid. I'm not putting my family at risk."

"This isn't about your family. This is about you." Jay replied with such a persuasive tone to his voice that was so easy to believe.

This guy had been trained well and he knew how to win a person over.

"You know I'm not going to agree to it so you may as well give up trying now."

Even if she didn't believe those words herself, Jess hoped Jay would. She needed him to back off, she needed him to stop trying to urge her back into something she wanted distance from.

She had chosen to get out from this life a long time ago and she couldn't help but think she was making the biggest mistake by stepping in again.

"I think you should just think about it." Jay grinned as he ruffled among the paper surrounding them before passing a piece over to Jess. "I got you a ticket for the flight. We leave after Christmas so you just need to make up your mind by then."

"Jay! No!" Jess began to say as she immediately tried to pass the paper back to him but he just held up his hands.

"I'm not taking that back until I know you have truly thought it through. I want a definite and believable answer, not one you think you have to give."

Jess just looked at Jay for a few seconds out of both exhaustion and frustration. She knew that he was fully aware of what he was doing and it wasn't fair.

Whether he was doing this for his own selfishness or because he genuinely thought it made her happy, it needed to stop. She couldn't be falling back into old habits, not only for her own sake but her family's too. However, Jay had now given her this ticket and decided that leaving her to make this huge decision over the Christmas period was the best idea to do.

She didn't know what he thought he was going to get out of this but Jess knew that Jay was genuinely confident that she would be getting on that flight with him in the New Year.

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