Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Part 10 - not mentally strong enough

"Kian's coming-" Jack began to say as Jess walked in the room before he stopped himself. "Where are you going?"

Jess had come into the kitchen dressed and ready to head out on business with the guys however, she couldn't exactly tell Jack that. 

"Kian's what?" She asked while she tried to stall for some time to think of what she could say instead.

If it would have just been herself and Jack in the room, she may have decided now was a great time to explain everything to him but they were not alone. Harvey and his girlfriend Lottie were sat up the table eating their left over pizza from last night and Addie was currently sat with Theo helping him with some homework. Therefore, they definitely had a bit of an audience.

"He's coming over with Leah and Brooks. I was going to order some food."

"Oh right, well I won't be long." Jess replied while leaning over the counter and kissing Jack on the lips.

"Where are you going?" He asked once again when he realised she wasn't exactly being all that forthcoming in answering the question.

"I'm just meeting Jay and Matt for a drink. We were going to catch up as it's been so long." 

The fact that Jess was meeting up with Jay and Matt wasn't suspicious to Jack at all. The thing that was though, was the fact she hadn't told him sooner and looked incredibly uncomfortable talking about it. He knew this woman extremely well and that meant it was easy to pick up on things that were out of place.

"I'll be back in about an hour." Jess continued as she made her way over to the kids who were sat up the table. Placing a kiss to each of their heads, she then reached Harvey and reached over his shoulder to grab a slice of his pizza.

"Mum!" He immediately raised his voice as he tried to claim it back from her, but it was too late as she took a bite and began walking off.

"Love you!" Jess shouted back with a grin over her face, causing Lottie to laugh.

Harvey looked far from impressed, having spent the entire day looking forward to eating their leftovers. Lottie had persuaded him at least 10 times to wait until dinner instead of eating it at breakfast.

"You owe me a slice of pizza now." Harvey retaliated causing Jess to  pause just before she left the kitchen.

"I carried you for 9 painful months and gave you life. I don't owe you anything, sweetheart."

While Harvey's mouth dropped open as he wasn't quite sure how to argue that, it was now Jack's turn to start laughing. 

"Shit, that shut you up!"

As Harvey aimed a middle finger in Jack's direction, Jess took that chance to disappear from the kitchen and headed out of the house. Although she did really want to see Kian and his family, she also knew she needed to go tonight.

She needed to figure out for herself whether this was truly worth it; whether she got that same thrill, or if the previous time had been due to the 'in the moment' excitement of being back for the first time in a while.

*

As Jess reached the warehouse that night, the weirdest feeling crept it's way into her body. Heading over to that familiar entrance made her feel like nothing had changed however, in actual fact, it had been an incredibly long time since she had stepped foot inside.

The last job she had been on had been small and only consisted of them meeting at the old gang house. This was a whole new deal and she suddenly felt her younger self screaming from the inside to come out again.