Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Part 13 - he's not human

"Are you back for good?" Jess asked Matt as they headed back into the warehouse.

After another successful job had been completed, Jess couldn't help but feel her body soaking up that feeling of achievement and control. It took her right back to when this was a nightly experience, something that would cause her such a high, as though she was on top of the world.

She never imagined she would be feeling this again yet now that she was, the temptation was there and the thought of stepping away from it felt a lot more difficult.

"I want to be." Matt turned to look at Jess with a cheeky grin on his face. That same glow was present in him, proving he was experiencing the exact same feelings.

"Does Juliet know?"

"I mentioned it to her."

"And...?"

"Eventually she'll come around, now just isn't the right time because of Mason." Matt explained and you could hear the slight guilt laced in his voice.

Gone were the days where he would only think of himself regardless of the consequences, now he was a lot more willing to think of those around him.

"He needs his dad safe and at home." Jess smiled, knowing the feeling.

She remembered having her own babies and wanting nothing more than herself and Jack to be with them together twenty-four seven. Even giving them to Jack's parents for a couple of hours to give herself a break was torture therefore, she knew where Juliet was coming from.

"What about you? I was actually surprised to see you show up again."

"Yeah, about that..." Jess trailed off as her eyes gazed over to Jay, who was chatting to his brothers.

He was head to toe in black with that serious look on his face. Although to many it could strike fear, Jess could see that it was truly just passion for doing what he loved. Although many would not see this as a career, it was all Jay had enjoyed. This gang was his everything and without it, he was never as happy and fulfilled as he could possibly be.

"I bet Jay Gibson persuaded you into that one." Matt easily guessed what the situation had been.

"Something like that. I was really determined for the previous to be my last."

"You must enjoy it to be back again."

Nodding her head, Jess directed her gaze back on Matt. She couldn't hide the truth. She had proved to them all tonight that she was still fully capable and that had only come from her own love for it too.

"I do but I moved on from it a long time ago."

"What's the harm in coming back? Your kids aren't babies anymore." Matt tried to rationalise with her, knowing that's exactly what would be on her mind.

"I know they're not but I wanted to shut this part of my life out completely. I made that decision and I was supposed to stick to it."

"You're allowed to change your mind."

"You're not supposed to be talking me into this!" Jess sighed, crossing her arms over her chest and causing Matt to flash a cheesy grin straight back at her.

He was just as bad as Jay by trying to get her involved again. Being in one another's presence made them realise how much they truly had missed it. Even though they had each moved on with their lives, they still saw this as an opportunity to bring back something that had once made them all incredibly happy, before things turned so toxic.

"I just don't think I could do that to my family, to Jack."

"I get it." Matt began with the nod of his head yet his tone implied he wasn't finished. "...but you're not hurting them. You kept yourself and them safe before. Why don't you think you can do that now?"

"I left the gang because I was scared I wouldn't be able to. That fear is the same. You can't predict this life, Matt, you know that."

"I know..."

"So as much as it's fun, it's not realistic."

"It depends how badly you want it."

Matt's words caused Jess to look at him with a frown across her face. She didn't exactly know what he was implying by that but she was intrigued. Did he think he had this all figured out? Because if he did, he really should have been sharing his tips.

"Jay has made it work. Yeah, he took a little break like all of us but he's been in this for the long run. He's smart, he's kept himself alive and everyone around him."

"Jay's not human! He's survived the impossible. We all thought he had been killed years ago when actually he'd managed to get one step ahead. That's not normal." Jess stressed, still unbelieving to how he truly did it.

"Fair point." Matt laughed, knowing Jess was right yet also knowing that with Jay it did come down to how much he loved this. "But he'd do anything to make this life work with the one he has with Lauren. You probably don't realise how much time he spends tactfully planning shit so it doesn't fuck up. If you really want this, you'd do that too."

"Right, so you're that dedicated too, yeah? I'm just the lazy one?" Jess raised her eyebrows questioningly at Matt, suddenly feeling offended by the point he was making.

"No, fuck no! I'm not but I want to be. If I'm going to get back into this, I want to do it how he does it."

"But I don't think thats possible! Like I said, he's doing something that isn't human. One of these days it will come around and bite him in the arse."

"You really think that?" Matt asked as he watched her eyes glimpse over to Jay again.

"You don't?"

Taking a moment to truly think about it, Matt really hadn't considered the other side to it. He saw Jay as fully capable and incredibly clever, always one step ahead of the game. However, he never saw that as a risk. He didn't see Jay's confidence as something that would make him fall into trouble in the end.

He had proved himself so many times. He'd survived something that should have been the end for him. He was the one who was going to prove you could have both; the gang and a family.

"He's a leader for a reason. He knows what he's doing. His whole family have shown that it's possible to survive anything."

"No they haven't." Jess immediately began shaking her head. "They've got through a lot but they've never shown it's possible to have a life away from the gang. They've all dated within this life and failed when they tried otherwise. Look what happened to Rebecca with Juliet; she had to give her up! It doesn't work. Jay's the first to try it."

"And he's succeeding!" Matt stressed, suddenly feeling frustrated at how Jess was picking this apart.

"So far, yeah but I don't know how much longer he'll be able to balance it all. One of these days something will happen and he won't be in control. I'm terrified for him yet we both know he won't listen."

There was silence again between the two of them as they both processed everything that had been said. This gang was addictive, they couldn't help but get pulled back into it however, Jess saw the true dangers.

She had watched the passion in Jay tonight yet she'd taken note of the risks he took due to it. He was so confident in his abilities that he failed to see that his list of enemies were increasing along the way.

He wasn't careful, he was too sure of himself to do that. Therefore, the moment he made one wrong move, that long list of people would be fighting to take him down first. They would want to ruin him in the way he was ruining each and every one of them, and they wouldn't allow him to take the fall while his family escaped the hit.

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