Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Chapter 99

After the conversation she had shared with Sophie, Jess had gone onto call Jay and ask if they could meet up. Sophie had ended up staying much longer than she had planned and had to pick up Phoebe from her parents half way through their conversation. Therefore, she had insisted that she was okay watching all the kids while Jess went to do deal with this.

Jess had then spent the whole car journey to Jay's hotel with the situation on her mind and what she was going to say. She was trying to figure out what she wanted before she got there, as waiting to be face to face with Jay would just cause her to cave.

Jess had to look at this from the bigger picture and figure out what she wanted from life in the long run. She needed to make sure she was aware of the consequences that everyone would face once this decision had been made. This wasn't a quick choice to switch up a relationship, she was married with children, there was a lot more weight leaning on her.

Therefore, by the time she reached Jay's hotel room, she was almost certain that she had this conversation all figured out. She had pushed away all the confusion and thought rationally about her feelings, just as Sophie had insisted she do.

She knew she loved Jay, there was no questioning it but Jack was always the one she would love in a much more intense way. Jay had been there for her through some of her hardest times but she couldn't walk away from the man she married.

"Hey..." Jess smiled as Jay pulled open the door to his hotel room.

He was looking at her with an expression she couldn't judge and that had her extremely uneasy.

"Look-" She began as they headed inside but Jay stopped her.

"I know what you're going to say so honestly, we can skip the shit and apologises."

Pausing, Jess didn't follow him the rest of the way down the hall and it took a second for him to realise before he turned around.

"I'm not mad either Jess so you can wipe the worry off your face."

Jay didn't like to be felt sorry for, he absolutely hated anyone pitying him so Jess' expression was never going to go down well. However, she was feeling shocked more than anything, not expecting this conversation to be happening the way it was.

"You've thought about it and realised you love Jack too much. Of course you do, he's your husband... it always will be him."

Jay sounded so emotionless when he spoke which made Jess feel worse. She couldn't tell what he was feeling and that was one of the worst things about this man. She was scared he was going to shut down.

"I just... I can't drop my life. I love Jack." Jess began as she took a deep breath. "But that doesn't mean I don't care about you. I always will, you mean so much to me Jay."

Nodding his head, Jay gave Jess a brief smile.

"I know."

That simple answer wasn't enough to make Jess feel as though things were sorted. It made her feel worse and it seemed as though Jay had instantly picked up on that.

"Come here." He reached his arms out, trying to guide Jess towards him.

She was cautious for a moment but quickly complied and walked closer to him, letting herself be enveloped into his hold.

"I'm not happy about your choice but I understand why you made it. Let's just move forward because I'd rather not dwell on my failure."

Jay was trying to make a joke and light of the situation but Jess knew it was just a defence mechanism. The only way Jay knew to deal with hurt was to shut out his emotions and that was exactly what he was doing.