Bad Desire: New Beginnings - Fast Forward

Chapter 119

(part 7)

"Would you actually consider leaving Brighton?" Lauren tried to clarify, as she was unsure if what she got from Jay was genuine.

Pausing, he just looked back at her for a few seconds before nodding his head.

"Would you?"

"Yeah." She smiled, with pure excitement over her face.

"You'd leave everything behind?"

Jay knew getting up and leaving was a much easier process for him, he had spent a lot of his life doing it. However, Lauren had always been a huge homely person and even moving to Brighton was a massive deal so a quick up and move wasn't expected to go down well with her.

"There isn't a whole lot here for me anyway."

The past few years of living in Brighton, Lauren had made some friends and got herself a job she loved but it hadn't been as she expected. The independence was good but she hadn't had the new start and huge social circle she had been expecting, causing her to feel slightly lonely. However, since meeting Jay, that had all disappeared. She suddenly felt a new sense of belonging and like she finally had someone in her life who understood her. Jay had not only been good for the company, he had also made her realise that there were guys out there that were worth trusting.

"How would you feel about leaving tomorrow night?"

Jay's question took Lauren a little off guard to start with as even though she was eager to do this, it caused a few nerves to erupt inside of her.

"That soon?" She asked, thinking about everything she would have to do before she even considered leaving. However, the temptation was too much and she found herself becoming more and more okay with the idea.

"Yeah. Pack a suitcase tomorrow and we'll get out of here."

"Okay... yeah, let's do it!" Lauren laughed while nodding her head, this whole thing suddenly causing a sense of adrenaline to flow through her.

She thought her move from Ireland had been a quick and rushed decision but this was on a whole new level. They didn't even know where they were going or where they were going to live.

"We can start from scratch and you can get out of this life." She continued, trailing her hand up the length of his arm and watching a smile form across Jay's face.

As he looked down to this woman laid beside him, there was a sense of realisation of the bigger potentials and bigger experiences that were waiting to be had. Jay had dedicated his whole life to this gang that he had been blinded to everything else around him. However, now everything seemed to make sense and the whole thing felt exciting.

Even though that was the case, there was a sense of panic and uncertainty running though him too. He had made a promise to himself and he wasn't about to let that go. As a leader of this gang, he still couldn't leave them in a state to deal with this mess alone. It was his responsibility to get rid of the problem before even considered running away.

"It will be perfect." Jay mumbled, reaching out to cup Lauren's face and guide her lips to his.

"I can't believe we're actually going to do this."

Chuckling, Jay laid his head back against the pillow, also thinking how crazy this was. Before, he would have never considered leaving the gang but things had changed; this life had become a mess. Nothing felt the same in it anymore and he wasn't sure if that was his age or because things were just getting more out of control.

However, he knew now was his time to get out. It was his turn to step away from this life that had caused him both misery and joy and he was prepared to do that with Lauren by his side.

"I love you, okay?" Jay pulled her into his arms; holding her tight and appreciating these few moments of calmness.

"I love you too, so much."

*

"Where are you going?" Matt asked as Jay walked back through the living room.

Pausing, Jay turned around to look at him. He and Juliet were sprawled out on the sofa watching TV and Jay walking through had instantly captured their attention.

"Er..." He began, trying to figure out a cover up. "To see Cole. I want to make sure he's alright."

"Okay cool. When you come back, I want to talk about tomorrow. I want to make sure everything is planned out in my head."

Nodding, Jay made his way over to Matt and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"It will be fine." He reassured, noticing the worry on his best friends face. "Trust me."

"Yeah... I know." Matt nodded, trying to hide his concern. "We have the guys too now, just like old times."

"Exactly." Jay smiled yet it wasn't such a reassuring concept for him and instead he just felt guilt.

There were a few moments of silence between the pair of them as they were both clearly collecting their thoughts. They knew what they were both thinking about and they knew they were focusing on the fear. The confrontation with Buddy was going to put all of their lives at risk and they were not all going to walk out of there alive. It was a daunting thought and it was made even worse knowing they couldn't do anything to make it better.

"Thanks Russle..." Jay began causing a frown to fall across Matt's face.

"For what?"

"For just always being there."

Jay was shrugging his shoulders, trying to make it seem like a casual thing yet Matt could see there was so much more behind it.

"I couldn't have run this gang if it wasn't for you being at my side too."

Matt didn't know why Jay was talking like this gang was over but it sent another wash of panic through him. There was so much confusion about this whole set up and Matt couldn't shrug the uneasiness running through him. He knew something was up but he couldn't pinpoint what it was and that was frustrating him.

"I always will be Gibson. Don't you worry about that." Matt responded, still trying to judge Jay's facial expression.

"Right, I'll see you later then." Jay forced a brief smile before turning to Juliet. "And you too... look after yourselves."

He knew the moment he left this place, he wouldn't be coming back. Matt thought he would be here to fill him in on the plans. He thought Jay was going to be back to discuss every fine detail of what was going to happen tomorrow but he wouldn't.

Jay knew this would be the last time he saw Matt and yet he still had to stand here and say 'see you later' instead of goodbye, just so he could act like everything was okay.

*