How To Get A Cookie, By Cloudtail [Grandmas]

How To Bake Your Own Cookies

Cloudtail: After I have been scarred in various ways, mentally and physically, by this clan, I have decided that I'm an independent Cloudtail and I can do things for myself. So we're baking cookies with an eensy bit of help from Jayfeather. *strolls into Jayfeather's den*

Jayfeather: *grits teeth* Hiya...Cloudtail...

Cloudtail: You got some ingredients for me?

Jayfeather: Oohoho yes... *hands him a jar of red congealed stuff*

Cloudtail: I'm not an idiot! Those are deathberries! I can't believe it, my greatest friend, my nephew, my protegee, my muse, the taker of my care, my medicine cat, my hero, has turned on me! We canst not turneth on our brethren! *runs away, sobbing*

And then, Cloudtail was so hurt, and cried so friggin' much, that a new river formed. But it wasn't just any river; this river was polluted with his fluffy white fur, giving the surface a...milky...appearance. The salt in the tear-water reacted with the mud, turning it into little clumps.

Cloudtail: *flops down by the river* I've hit rock bottom. But at least I've got my audience...?

Audience: *various hissing noises*

Cloudtail: *entirely delusional with grief* Oh, look at those cookies over there! Conveniently by this milk river...I am sustained! *he takes the mud clumps and dips them in the furry water, taking a big bite*

Cloudtail: BLEH! Even my cookies have betrayed me. There's no reason to live.

Queen Crazystar: Look, sweetheart, I hate you and find you to be a flea on the pelt of my world. But you can't die because we need the entertainment value.

Cloudtail: There's only one thing on this territory that would make me stay alive, my queen. *star eyes*

Queen Crazystar: Wha-what?

Cloudtail: A KISSSS.

Queen Crazystar: F-fine. Do it for your people, Crazy. Just do it. *after much hesitation, she bestows a little peck upon Cloudtail*

Cloudtail: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEIthinkIloveyouSCREEEEEEEEEEEEE

Queen Crazystar: [unbelievably censored]

Cloudtail: SHHH, my queen...

The heavens open upon this insane sight, and emit a single cookie as a reward.

Cloudtail: This, my audience, is how you bake your own cookies! I mean, I technically made that happen...intentionally...

Mousefur: *eats the cookie*

Cloudtail: gosh dang fudge it!