How To Get A Cookie, By Cloudtail [Grandmas]

How to Torture Somebody Into Revealing Their Cookie Cache Location

Brambleclaw skids into Cloudtail's den, breathless and panting.

Brambleclaw: Cloudtail! I've received information on the alleged cache!

Cloudtail: *head snaps up as eyes narrow* What? You have? Who's the suspect?

Brambleclaw: *meets gaze with solemn expression* Lionblaze.

Cloudtail: *stares* Really? Him? *looks away* I'd never have guessed...*stands up abruptly* Nevertheless. Our objectives are solid. Bring him to me. 

Brambleclaw: *nods seriously* Copy that. *runs out of den*

Cloudtail: *begins to pace, mumbling darkly to self* Chair...chains...cache...cookies... electrical...ice?

Brambleclaw: *shoves bound and gagged Lionblaze into den* I've got him.

Cloudtail: *gives Brambleclaw odd glance* I just realized - since when do you have an English accent anyways?

Brambleclaw: You're the one with the American accent, Cloudtail. We live in England. 

Cloudtail: *scoffs* Whatever. *turns and presses random button*

The floor starts to descend in a dark square, and a moment later, a gray steel box-like apparition  rises upwards, its doors sliding open with a ping.

Cloudtail: *steps into elevator* Now, now, hurry up, Brambleclaw, I haven't got all day.

Brambleclaw: Yes, Cloudtail, and please never again attempt to imitate a British accent.

Cloudtail: My word, tea and crumpets, Brambleclaw! Tea and crumpets! Blimey! Barmy!

Brambleclaw: *moans* Oh dear StarClan...*drags Lionblaze into elevator and pushes button to close door*

The elevator jerks slightly before smoothly slipping downwards. Lionblaze whimpers as his amber eyes dart nervously from side to side in barely suppressed anticipation, fear, and confusion. He shrinks backwards as Cloudtail leans close and leers at him.

Cloudtail: He'll tell us what we want, now, won't he, Brambleclaw? We know just how to make sure he does, don't we?

Brambleclaw: Oh, yes. Totally. Definitely. 

The elevator stops, and the door swish open. Cloudtail grabs Lionblaze and drags him out. Brambleclaw steps out behind the two. Harsh white light glints off of the metal walls of the room, and Lionblaze's eyes widen as his eyes land on the steel chair in the middle of the room.

Cloudtail: *straps Lionblaze to chair, unties ropes, and rips off gag*

Lionblaze: Cloudtail! Brambleclaw! What are you doing?

Cloudtail: We're getting what WE deserve. Where is it?

Lionblaze: *is bewildered* Where's what?

Cloudtail: *snarls* You know what I'm talking about! The cache!

Lionblaze: What cache?

Cloudtail: THE COOKIE CACHE! Don't play dumb!

Lionblaze: I've got absolutely no idea what you're-

Cloudtail: *stabs button on chair control panel*

Lionblaze: *electricity sparks and hair stands up on end* ARHGHG! *pants as electricity stops* Cloudtail, I - MROWOW - Brambleclaw - ARHHGH!

Brambleclaw: Said I was the father, they did. Lied, they did. 

Cloudtail: *grows frustrated and jabs other button*

Lionblaze: *compartment opens in ceiling and freezing water with sharp shards of ice is dumped on chair* *pants heavily* CLOUDTAIL I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE COOKIE CACHE IS - *electricity spakrs* - MROWW!

Three hours later ~ 

Brambleclaw: *is talking into walkie-talkie* Are you sure, Brackenfur? Absolutely? *silence as murmers come from walkie-talkie* Oh. Well then. I'll inform Cloudtail. *turns to Cloudtail* It appears we've made a mistake, Cloudtail.

Cloudtail: *looks up from controls* What? Don't distract me, I'll weasel it out of him yet-

Brambleclaw: I - that is, Cloudtail - Brackenfur tells me it's not Lionblaze. The suspect was Lionheart. Seems the names got...mixed up. 

Cloudtail: *throws control into air angrily* Just make my work harder for me, why don't you? So much effort, so much time - all wasted! Ugh! Just - just get rid of this-*waves paw at limp form of Lionblaze*-and go get Lionheart! And make sure's it right this time! 

Brambleclaw: Yes - yes, of course, Cloudtail. I'll do that right away.

Cloudtail: *murmurs angrily* You'd better do it right away.

Brambleclaw: *in a low voice* Well, at least it wasn't Squirrelflight or some cat more realistic and less obviously OP. 

TADA

THE END

BY DUSKIE