DELETED • PHAN

100%

if you got a notification it is because i fixed some mistakes.
i am literally crying, just, ttyl

the clock is 11:58 am, and dan is sitting nervously at the airport. he has no idea if phil is coming, or if he has actually read the messages. what dan knows is that he actually wants to see him before he leaves, because it's phil, the guy dan will never lose feelings for. everyone has one person you can't get your thoughts off or ever lose feelings for, even if it's an old friend or your old love.

there are just something with phil that makes dan think about the what-if's, and even all the opportunities that is. phil hasn't treated dan as good as he should of have, but dan has never been more in love with someone before, not even charlie. he doesn't know how, but he has a strong feeling that they met too late.

what if they met earlier, maybe even way back in 2009? would they of have had the best friendship, and maybe even relationship by now? would everything with charlie happen like it did, or would everything have changed? would they be watching anime and eating cereal in the mornings, filming small videos for youtube, made jokes and played mario kart all night? if so, he would of have loved to met in 2009.

he looks over at the huge clock, seeing it hitting 12 right in front of his eyes. before he can feel the disappointment he hears someone calling his name, and the voice couldn't be mistaken. dan didn't think he would show up, but somehow he was wrong. well, he has been wrong about a lot after meeting phil so it didn't come as a shock.

dan turns around to see phil slightly jogging towards him, seeing how he must have slept too long or stressed too much because of his appearance generally. dan really wants to wrap his arms around him and smell his familiar scent as he stops in front of him, but he can't. they should of have been crying because of how much they would miss each other, but the only one that would cry is probably dan, at least in his eyes.

"y-your sweater, you probably want it."

dan shakes his head, telling him that he can have it. phil smiles softly and cuddles it into his chest sneakily, loving this sweater more than he could know. maybe it's the scent of dan, or the fact that the sweater is the closest he can be to him? maybe it's because of how many memories he has in this sweater, and that it probably means more to phil than dan himself?

"i just want to say this before you leave, and i really want you to listen to me. i understand if you don't want to, you can tell me straight away if you want me to stop. is it okay if i say something?"

"yes, phil. it was one of the reasons to why i gave you a chance to meet me before i leave, just so we could talk."

"okay, good. so, this is coming extremely late, and i know this won't change a thing, but i am extremely sorry. i know it is extremely stupid to say it, but i need to. i have done a lot of things to lose your trust, love and even friendship, i am completely aware of that. you, daniel james howell, you deserve someone a lot better than me. you deserve someone that is able to keep a relationship up and going, and someone that doesn't have any stupid problems. i may have helped you through some tough times, but it doesn't make up for what i have done to you. i love you so freaking much, daniel, so much that it hurts for me to stand here and see you go. maybe that's what i tried to do, tried to make it easier for me to see you leave? i don't know anymore, but there aren't any excuses in the whole world for what i've done. i am so sorry, seriously. i-i don't know what i've done, i-i think i'm losing myself."

dan is standing there with tears in his eyes, feeling the urge to hug that vulnerable boy that stands in front of him, throwing his heart at him. dan isn't the one to be angry nor the one who like that people are sad, so he lets the urge win. just seconds after is phil in dan's arms, sobbing as he apologizes every second. dan is crying as well, finding this extremely hard and worth crying for.

this boy that is standing in his arms is the one who saved his life, who helped him through a lot and even sacrificed himself to charlie just so they could keep being friends. a lot has been in the way for the both of them, and they don't know what is in front of them anymore. dan is leaving to usa, and phil is yet alone. phil kicked out pj for good, he has finally understood how important dan is for him and his life, and if dan ever comes back to england he really wants to reunite and try again.

phil starts telling about pj and him never getting back together, and that dan shouldn't worry about that. he also tells about how lonely he will be, how sorry he still is and what he should of have done different. what phil doesn't know is that dan is starting to heal inside by every word phil says, because phil is definitely doing it right. phil is apologizing and speaking from the heart, and that is what dan wanted.

phil is completely right about them never being together as a couple, even if they acted like one. dan doesn't have the energy and time to be mad at phil, and thinks that saying goodbye for real and getting to talk before he leaves is really important. dan is slightly seeing the old, adorable and innocent guy he once knew, the one he stalked through the years but never dared to contact.

"w-we only have five more minutes, i-i have used all our time to cry and apologize, i'm so sorry."

"don't be, phil. i have never been so happy to hear your voice before, and i really needed the apology." phil sighs as he slowly nods, embracing dan once again. phil is holding him so close they could of have been mistaken as a couple, but none of them cares. "we will talk again sometime, and if you ever want to, you can message me whenever you want."

"thank you so much, dan."

"of course."

dan pulls away as he looks over at the clock, seeing it only being 2 minutes til dan has to check in. phil sighs as he looks down at the floor, drying away tears that are streaming down his face. dan frowns as he sees phil not even daring to look up because of the tears, so he tilts his head up with his thumb under his chin. one minute and thirty seconds, and they are standing in the middle of the airport staring at each other intensely.

"i have to, i can't just leave without doing it. i'm sorry, phil."

phil furrows his brows together and is about to question dan, but doesn't have time to speak as a pair of lips are on his. dan's hand are gladly cupping phil's face, making it easier for him to be as close to phil as possible. phil's arms fall automatically around dan's torso and pushes him closer, finding the moment magical and honestly, a miracle. dan is kissing phil.

dan pulls away as they start calling up for his flight, tears streaming down his face as he sees phil. the kiss felt so right for the both of them, and dan wants to drag phil along so bad. but, he just can't. dan and phil kissed for the first time in public today, and that right before dan is leaving. chris is standing just meters behind, not wanting to interrupt the extremely magical moment between the two of them.

"oh fûck you dan, making me all emotional before you leave." dan chuckles sadly as they hug each other one last time in who knows how many years, and after a sad goodbye dan is walking beside chris, away from phil. phil can only stand there and cry, feeling the sadness creep on him as he sees dan disappear. "i love you, so much."

phil is back home in his own apartment just half an hour after, and he breaks with collapsing in tears on the couch. phil has this feeling, that feeling being completely right, that dan won't text him in years. it's a huge chance he won't have contact with dan for maybe years, and that breaks phil. phil just lost dan to america, and phil is so scared for the future.

dan is sitting on the plane and looking out of the window, still crying just like earlier. dan didn't think this would be so hard, but it obviously is. dan is scared that he will lose phil permanently, he definitely doesn't want that. he wants phil, so bad. but, he can't have him.

and for the both of them, it's just like they deleted each other, and that for good. every memory, deleted. every word said, deleted. every thought, deleted. every feeling, deleted. everything just,

deleted.