My Big Fat Demons [Revised]

Troubled Past (18)

Chapter 18: Troubled Past

Nessuno's POV

I had a decision to make, I could either touch myself and risk getting punished, or suffer. The feeling of ecstasy when Ruben removed those balls left me yearning for more. I didn't orgasm but I was so close that it blew my mind. Now I'm so wet that I can feel it dripping down my leg. I wanted to go to Ruben to ask for some kind of relief, but I'm scared. Not only is it my fear of intimacy because I'm severely self-conscious, but Ruben also scares me. I turned him into a monster. A villain that fit everything I needed in my story. Instead of me calling myself fat, I can picture him doing it. After our interaction, I pictured Ruben to be a stuck up asshole who only cares about himself. Which, of course, I was right. That's exactly how he is. Yet, I keep getting glimpses of something else. Like there's more to Ruben Victoriano than I thought. It's those glimpses that keep me curious. I'm already attracted to him. Now I fear that I might actually like him.

The thing is, I don't want to fall for him. He is the last person on Earth I would want to fall for. Shit. Me and my feelings. My stupid heart is so fucking vulnerable. Call it childhood trauma or abandonment issues. It's the little things he does that makes my heartache and the butterflies in my stomach come to life. Like caressing my hand, petting my head, cuddling with me in bed, or constantly holding my hand. Fucking basic shit that's making me ignore the red flags he's basically hit me in the head with. I'm constantly battling whether I believe if he's telling the truth or not. Fuck me.

As I entered the shower I contemplated pleasuring myself. He'd never know, and I didn't plan on ever telling him. The submissive in me that wanted to obey, yet there's a bit of brat in me. By now Ruben knows I have an attitude. The only reason I'm actively obeying is because it is a part of who I am, and I want to get this over with. Now that reason is changing because I may actually like the monster. On the plane, when he had his fingers in me, I was ridden with anxiety. Mainly because I do fear intimacy and just having him down there scared the shit out of me.

But his skilled fingers took my mind off of it. All I wanted was him buried deep inside of me. Making me his personal whore. Our past interaction was long forgotten and I just got lost in the moment. I detach the shower head and direct it to my throbbing clit. Just thinking back on him having his hands on me, in me, sent me over the edge within seconds. I gripped the rail of the shower as I came down from my self induced high.

Once my shower was complete I grabbed a robe and tied it around myself. Ruben said I could wear a silky nightgown because of how uncomfortable I am being naked. The man's already seen my fucking vagina, surely I can challenge myself to wear something a little more revealing. Sure enough, as I rummaged through the drawers, I found some plus size lingerie. He won't expect this, and I am going to enjoy teasing him.

When I opened the door I could hear Ruben talking with someone. I leaned over the railing to see who it was. The silky robe I decided to throw back on tickled the back of my freshly shaven legs. If this man was going to be touching on me I want to be as comfortable as I can. I see Ruben talking to someone who is standing outside. Ruben had two sacks in his hand that had some kind of restaurant logo on it. Ruben shut the door and must've sensed my presence because he looked up at me.

"Ready to eat?" He held up the sacks in his hands. I nodded and made my way down the long stairway. He led me down the hall into a large room. There's another set of patio doors that lead outside to some kind of garden. To my left was a bar set up fully stocked with alcoholic beverages. Ruben set the sack down on a large coffee table sitting in front of a large heather gray sectional. In front of the sectional was a very large flat-screen TV sitting just above a unlit fireplace.