Sunshine || l.h. {complete}

Thirty Nine

SO BIG MISTAKE. TURNS OUT I'D ALREADY WRITTEN THIS SHORT CHAPTER BUT LABELED IT INCORRECTLY SO DOUBLE UPDATE!

Luke swallows thickly and his hands are fidgeting as he looks anywhere but at her.

"I shouldn't have let you come."

"Stop."

His head snaps up at her harshness.

"Just don't," she continues, her face pale and sad, "Stop blaming yourself and stop trying to baby me. I'm sorry that I reacted the way I did. It's not what I saw that upset me, it's the fact that I don't want you to do anything irrational and let me be the cause of it.

His throat bobs and he shakes his head, digging his finger into the dying grasses, "I've already told you that won't change. I'll always defend you."

Even if you're not mine to defend.

The words are there, she can hear them, but she knows he won't say them. Maybe it's for his sanity or her own, but the thought of not being together has obviously been percolating in their minds over their time apart; it's best not to vocalize it.

"I don't like talking about this," Belle gazes down at the ground in order to try and hide the blush blooming hot on her cheeks. "It happened, we should just get over it. I need to accept that you're going to fight. You need to accept that you can't always protect me. That's that."

It's quiet for a moment and she swears she's shattered his confidence, but he pulls his knees into his chest and in the tiniest voice she's ever heard, murmurs, "I can't sleep."

Her eyebrow raises and instantly her heart crumbles. He looks so vulnerable, his blue eyes dull and almost gray, his nose pressed between his knee caps.

"Why?"

Luke coughs, "I tried everything. I couldn't do anything. I tried a pillow, tried squeezing it, tried being a big idiot and cuddling it. Nothing worked."

Belle's confused because he's rambling, not pinpointing the actual reason for his comment.

"I couldn't get it out of my head," he continues, voice thick, "I couldn't erase the look on your face when you told me you needed a break. My heart hurt so much I thought I was going to die."

I know the feeling.

"You can't let me affect you so much," her voice is yet again angry and harsh, a tone he isn't used to experiencing in his time with her. It startles him and it suddenly seems as if their roles are reversed.

His fingers deftly run through the blades of grass like they usually comb through her hair, "I have to. We're connected."

It's an odd statement, especially for a boy his age. It sounds too prophetic.

"When you hurt, I hurt," his voice is dejected, as if he shouldn't have to explain this to her, "I hurt so badly knowing I caused you pain. Seeing you cry like that – I wanted to curl up and die."

Die.

The word has been stated twice and she can't take the thought.

Her arm snatches his wrist out of the grass, "No."

Luke's eyes are wide and frightened. She's never seen him scared. Not in the ring, not looking into Wesley's beady brown eyes, not ever. He's always been solid, dependable, and capable. Now he looks like a fearful little boy.