Punks Don't Like Nerds

Friends

Dean's POV

It had been weeks since I threw up all over in Castiel's bathroom. And unknowingly to me that really brings people together. Castiel and I have been talking and hanging out non stop for a while now and I have never been happier in my life. I'm having him over at our apartment today to watch movies with Charlie and I while Sam is at his friend Kevin's house. Hopefully I don't screw this up.

Neither if us had mentioned the kiss after that day and slowly it was rendered unimportant.

Cas' POV

I walked up the stairs to Dean's small run-down apartment shaking with anticipation. Charlie, Dean and I have been planning this movie weekend for a while now and I couldn't wait. I was so nervous. I liked Dean. A lot. More than I would ever tell anyone, but I won't mess up our friendship over a feeling we did not share. And even if Dean did like me back, I was poison. Never would I ever drag Dean into my mess of a life.

As I reached the end of the hall I knocked on the heavy cedar door in front of me and heard heavy footsteps approaching.

"Hey Cas." Dean greeted me with a smile gesturing for me to walk inside.

"Hey Dean."

"Come on in."

"Thanks." I mumbled as I walked in and looked around the room. The wallpaper was peeling and the dishes were stalked up but that quickly went unnoticed as I saw the pillows piled on the floor and the fresh popcorn sitting on the coffee table in front of the T.V.

"What movie are we watching?" I looked at Dean and the dorky smile plastered onto his face.

"The Avengers."

"Which one?"

"The first one."

"Oh cool."

I had no idea what the Avengers were but Dean was excited so I was too. "So when is Charlie supposed to get here?" I asked sitting on one of the pillows.

"She just texted me and said she would be here in like 20 minutes."

"Ugh Charlie why do you have to be so damn slow?" I looked over at Dean. His eyebrows were knit together in deep thought and concentration. "What's wrong Dean?"

"Nothing Cas It's just that I've been thinking. . . . ." He looked down at the floor

"What have you been thinking about?" No matter how prepared I thought I was, I would never have guessed what he said next.

"You."

What? Me? Why would Dean Winchester be thinking about me?

"What do you mean?" I asked still slightly in shock.

Dean turned facing me. "No matter how hard I try Cas I just can't stop thinking about you."

"Dean I don't-" He cut me off before I could finish.

"You don't have to say anything Cas, just listen. From the moment I saw you I knew I just had to know the boy with the raven hair and ocean blue eyes. But now that we are friends I have to have more. You may not feel the same way Cas but I think. . .I think I love you."

My heart stopped. Dean loves me. Loves me. Dean loves me. I love Dean.

"Dean I-"

"Cas wait. Let me finish. . . . Cas I love you and this wasn't supposed to happen Cas, not to me. I'm not the kind of guy who falls hopelessly in love with someone. But I am so glad it did. This wasn't the plan but now that you're here. . . I can't imagine myself anywhere else but by your side. Please Cas, give me a shot."

I couldn't think, or move, or answer. So I did what I knew how to. I shut down. "Dean I can't." I looked to the floor clasping my fingers together. His smile dropped. He was no longer nervous, but confused.

"Cas. . . " He leaned in and took my hand in his but I quickly pulled back. "Please Cas just give me a chance. I may not be perfect but I'll be good to you. I'll get you flowers and we can go to the movies and I'll take care of you" tears spilled from his eyes as he tried to convince himself this would work. And we could be happy. "You're everything I need."

"Dean I. . . " what I wanted to scream was 'dean I love you' but what came out was "can't love you." He sniffled as more tears spilled and he ran a hand through his hair.

I dont deserve him. If I am with him I will ruin his life.

No matter how many times I told myself

'This is for the best'

I still wanted Dean. I will always want Dean.

"That-" His voice cracked. "That's okay Cas. That's okay." every time he said it my heart grew weaker and weaker.

"Dean I think I should probably go." Right then I looked into his eyes and I saw that what I had done was unforgivable.

"Uh- Yeah. Yeah Castiel I think you should go."

Castiel. . .
He called me Castiel.

"Goodbye Dean."

AN

I regret nothing........