Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 8

I look at the clock and decide it's time to get dressed. I get up and head to my closet. I don't want to dress up too nice and give Rachel the wrong impression. I pull out a simple black dress that flows on my body with a v neck. I take a shower since I have been drowning in my sorrows pretty much all day. I finish up in the shower and put on my dress and some simple red heels to add a touch of color. I leave my hair in its natural wavy state. Kasey has always been jealous of my natural tan skin and wavy hair. I smile at myself in the mirror. The doorbell rings in the background.

"Well, here we go!" I go to let Rachel in and to my surprise she looks really nice. Who am I kidding, she always looks nice. She has a pair of black dress pants with a mint green button up shirt and a mint green and light blue bow tie.

"Wow, you look beautiful. Well you always look beautiful but especially tonight." she stumbles out. I find myself blushing at her words.

"So where are we going?" I say while grabbing my red clutch purse, phone and keys.

She places her hand on my lower back and I shudder initially at the way it feels but I begin to relax as we walk towards her car.

" I figured we would go out to dinner at this nice Italian place and see where we go from there." I nod as Rachel opens the door for me.

The ride to the restaurant was silent but it wasn't awkward as I would have suspected. Rachel was nice and different the entire time. It felt like when we first started dating. As the night went on I began to relax and actually enjoy myself. Once dinner was over we decided to go to this little jazz club and have a few drinks. It was the first time in a while that Logan hadn't constantly consumed my thoughts.

....
Logan's POV

Work has been busy tonight. Of course it's a Friday night, I should be use to it but at least it is keeping my mind off of Shannon. Our situation was so damn complicated. I know I have feelings for her, even if I hated to admit it but obviously she is still in love with Rachel. Now that girl, she gives me bad vibes but Shannon is a grown woman.

Cam and I did find a few apartments, so I did tell one small lie. I signed a lease today and can move in at the earliest on Monday. I figured I didn't want to break the news all at once. I also haven't brought up the fact that I'm graduating early so I won't be coming back to Lincoln High after Christmas break. So we only have a few more weeks together. I am sure once I move out she will forget all about me.

The whole night I'm trying to focus on work but all I can think about is Shannon on her date. I wish I could just take my mind off of her. I reach in my pocket pulling out my phone and realized it's already 2:00am. Time for me to wrap up my night, I find Karen the owner and let her know I am leaving before heading home. On the ride home my mind wanders to my Mom and how she use to fix Thanksgivng dinner for us when I was younger and how happy my Dad was. We use to actually be a happy family but that ended and it was all my fault. I shake the thoughts away, I didn't want to slip back into that depression I was in after the accident. Unfortunately the anniversary of her death is coming up.

I walk into the apartment and grab a beer out of the fridge. It's been awhile since I've had anything to drink. It's a part of my past that I don't like to bring up. No one knows but my Family and Camren. I change out of my work clothes and stay in my sports bra and slipping on some basketball shorts. I am shocked that Shannon isn't home yet, It's already 2:30 am. Must be having a good time. I sip on my beer while flipping thru the channels. You would think after the 3rd time flipping thru I would know that nothing was on.

About an hour later I hear a bunch of giggling going on outside and I know it's Shannon and Rachel. I sit my beer on the table, turning off the TV and flipping Over on the couch. I can't face her tonight. I hear her struggling to get the key in the door. Oh boy she must be drunk. Finally she stumbles in saying goodnight to Rachel. Not before I hear the sound of them making out. I feel my stomach begin to turn at the mental image. Shannon must have shut the door because I hear her foot steps across the living room but they stop in front of me. I pray that Shannon thinks I am sleep. She begins to mumble some words incoherently but finally I can make them out.

"I don't deserve you Logan. You deserve someone who can love you whole heartedly like you need. Not someone who's broken like me. No matter how much I love you..." Her voice dies off and then her bedroom door shuts. She loves me? I think to myself. How can she think she's broken when I think she's perfect? Doesn't she know I'm broken too? I close my eyes and try to sleep.

"Logan what has gotten into you with all the drinking and smoking? it's not like you!!" I shake my head. "Mom, you don't know anything about me!" I know I'm hurting her but I'm hurting too. "I know that if you are doing all this at only 15 years old than you're hurting pretty bad and you have to tell me so that I can help you." I stand there unable to move. How do I tell my Mom that while trying to "pretend" I wasn't into girls I dated a boy name Taylor. I thought he was different than all the other boys but he wasn't. I begin to shake at the thought of what he did to me that night. "No No No!" I yell. I take off out of the house. The last of my mothers voice was her yelling for me to come back.

It was dark and rainy that night. She came out looking for me anyway. I was a messed up kid but she came anyway because she loved me but I killed her. I killed her and my baby brother who I was never able to meet. If I hadn't ran out that night, Mom would have never chased after me, she would have never hydroplaned and crashed. She would have never died.

"Logan, Logan! Wake up!!" Shannon's arms were shaking my shoulders. I jump up on the couch. Looking around before breaking down. Shannon doesn't say anything. She just wraps her arms around me and holds me, rubbing my back.

I try to calm my shaking but I just can't. "Logan, what's wrong?"

All I do is shake my head. "I'm broken too."