Never Enough

ten.

Mia.

It was around 2 in the morning and I was still wide awake. I had stopped crying hours ago but my body still ached from the beating I had taken earlier.

I am physically and emotionally drained from all the events that happened yesterday. Cameron, and then having to hide myself from Maddi and the guys.

I have to admit it was hard hearing Grayson's pleading voice at my door. It's as if you could've felt his desperation through the wooden door.

I was laying on my back staring at the ceiling hoping the memories of Cameron touching me would erase, but unfortunately they wouldn't.

It's like I could still feel his hands all over me and that feeling caused vile to build in my throat.

I rushed to my bathroom and threw up everything I had been holding in for the past couple of hours.

I was finally happy. I moved across the country, got a place with my best friend and met amazing people. Life was starting to look so good and of course, it had to turn to shit within just a couple of days.

I stood from the cold, white tile floor and dropped the clothes from my body. The air was chilly but that was the last thing on my mind.

Is it possible to feel and to be numb at the same time? Because that's the only way I can describe how I feel right now. I feel disgusting, I feel violated and worthless but at the same time, I feel nothing. My body was numb and so were my thoughts.

I stepped into the hot shower, scrubbing my skin raw from head to toe trying to rid myself from tonight's earlier events.

After an hour of repeatedly rinsing and washing, I finally  stepped out and dried myself off. As I looked into the mirror I gasped.

There were bruises scattered up and down my arms and stomach that some what resembled hand prints. My cheek had a small bruise on it from when he slapped me but it wasn't nearly as bad as all of the others.

The sight of the bruises on me started to make a feeling of rage boil inside. I realized I wasn't sad, I was beyond furious with myself for allowing this to happen. I was furious because I could've prevented this, I could've helped myself but instead I gave in just like I always used to.

I took a deep breath and covered my body with a towel and walked back into my room to change.

It was now 4 in the morning and I decided it was probably time to rest so I would have enough strength to talk to everyone tomorrow.

I climbed into my bed and snuggled deep within my comforter. For only tonight, I allowed my thoughts to drift to the one thing I've been trying to avoid. Tonight was an exception; it made me feel at ease and comforted. I fell into a deep sleep almost immediately with only one- or two things on my mind.

them..

•••••

I woke up from a slight knock at my door. And then another and another.

I groaned and carefully lifted myself from my sheets. I glanced down at my clock and it said 11 which means I got a total of 7 hours of sleep.

I guess that'll have to be enough...

I padded my feet over to the white door and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath and opened it slowly; not exactly knowing what to expect.