Joshua Bam Bam Brown: Collection of Short Alaskan Bush People Fan Fics

Drawing us Home

You couldn't tell Bam how you felt. The heartache and the homesickness were so strong that you knew you would break down if you even began to talk about it. Bam was keenly aware that something was wrong. You had been married only a few weeks and you had temporarily settled in a small apartment in Juneau. But that was still too many miles away from your home in Colorado. As much as you loved Bam, you missed the red rocks and the flat plains to the east and the mountains always to the west. You didn't even know what direction to turn unless you first looked at the mountains.

Bam tried to keep you busy fixing up your little apartment and planning for the frequent get-togethers with his family. And when your mind was fully occupied with decorating or cleaning, it was easy to forget Colorado. Those moments when you looked into Bam's deep blue eyes and saw the smile that he only showed to you, you could almost believe that you didn't miss your home.

"I want you to love Alaska as much as I love you." Bam whispered to you with his hands cradling your face.

"I love you so much." You pressed your lips to his and felt the softness of his mouth and the brushing of his mustache against your skin. "I want to love Alaska as much as I love you."

"Let's go to Browntown, just for a day and let me show you what makes me always go back there." He smiled and kissed your eyes and when you closed your eyes you saw his smile in your mind and you knew you would say yes.

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The woods of Browntown were so quiet. Bam carried his rifle over his shoulder and kept the other hand twined in yours.

"So, what do you think?" His deep voice was soft in the stillness of the forest.

"It's beautiful." You breathed. It was true. You had never seen a quiet beauty like this before.

Your words felt insignificant and your mind struggled for the right words to express how you were feeling. The beauty wasn't just in the surroundings, but in the way the stillness of the woods made you feel. Your heart was empty. Wasn't that odd? You would think your heart would be full. But there was no weight of homesickness, no more heaviness that had threatened to pull you under like an anchor. You were free in a tranquil bubble of Bam's love and delight and it occurred to you how much time you had wasted trying to get back 'home'.

"I can see why you always call this home." You smiled and hoped Bam wouldn't think you were crazy for smiling and crying at the same time.

"It is home." He nodded and pointed to a fallen log, helping you to sit.

His hands slid along your thighs and you sighed loudly at his touch. It was all you wanted. Bam, his smile, his touch and his love. It was all you needed.

Bam pulled a piece of blackened charcoal out of his pocket and sat cross-legged on the ground beside you, picking up a stray chunk of wood. The broken off piece of wood was smooth on one side and he ran his finger over it gently, caressing the surface with his thumb.

As he began to move the dark charcoal over the wood, an image appeared slowly, magically it seemed. But Bam knew where every stroke should go and each line coursed its way to the next. Within minutes, as his long fingers danced over the smooth wood, the picture appeared and your sobs flew from your mouth and you fell to your knees behind Bam, cradling his waist, your head on his shoulder.

"Can you see us here?" He moved slightly to let you see his drawing of your two faces, your two smiles, your two lives together.

"I can see it perfectly, Bam."  Your tears wouldn't stop and he brushed them away with his fingers, leaving dark charcoal smudges on your cheeks.

"It will wash away with the first rain." He explained with a slight frown as he held the drawing up for you to see.

"It doesn't matter." You continued to hold him and squeeze him tightly to your chest. "Even when this drawing washes away, I'll always be with you and as long as we're together, I'm home."