Joshua Bam Bam Brown: Collection of Short Alaskan Bush People Fan Fics

Drift Away

An old one-shot: Inspired by the song "Drift Away".
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"I'm losing her, mom." Bam drops his head to his hands and cries so hard his chest aches and his heart feels it will burst from his chest.

"You won't lose her, Bam." His mother gently strokes his wavy hair, so much like her own. Her heart aches for her son. But he is wrong. She knows her daughter-in-law well enough to know that he must be wrong.

"Day after day, I'm just more confused. I don't know what she wants. I don't know how to make her happy anymore." His tears drop through his fingers onto the wooden floor.

"Talk to her." His mom pleads. "Talk to her, then listen until you find out the truth."

You can hear them talking. You can hear Bam sobbing and your heart breaks but you don't know how to tell him. You try to look for the light through the pouring rain, but you can't see past the dark curtain that covers your eyes. You lie back on your bed and settle the earbuds in your ears again. You just need to block out all the sounds.

"Give me the beat boys and free my soul, I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away..."

You begin to feel that you are just wasting time here. What did you think you could offer him that some other girl couldn't? And now? You can't bear the thought of losing him but if you tell him, you could lose his respect. But if you don't tell him, you could lose his trust. Why is this world so unkind?

"Give me the beat boys and free my soul, I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away..."

Bam steps into the room hesitantly. His eyes are still red and puffy from crying, his nose is pink and raw. His lip quivers. But he is here and you have to deal with this. You remove the earbuds from your ears and turn off your portable CD player, laying it on the bed beside you.

"I don't know what you want any more." He begins. "I know I don't make you happy any more. You never let me touch you and when we talk, it's just so surface."
Bam struggles to keep his voice level. You look at him and you know you need to speak but the words just won't come. At your silence, Bam moves to the bed, kneels beside you and takes your hands in his.
"I love you so completely, and I would die for you." He squeezes your fingers too hard and it hurts, but you don't ask him to stop. You deserve this pain. "What do you want me to do?" He pleads. "I'll do anything."

He drops his head to the bed and begins to sob again. "I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you."

Your heart stops. "What?" The words are barely a whisper. Bam's head comes up suddenly, his eyes meet yours.

"What?" He repeats to you.

"Why would you say that? Why would you be afraid to lose me? With what I've done, I'm afraid to lose you!" Looking at him intently you realize you have had this all wrong. Bam wasn't pulling away because he didn't want you, he was pulling away because you were pulling away from him.

"Bam," You grab him by the shirt and pull him to you so forcefully, he tumbles on top of you on the bed. "I love you so much." You press your face to his chest and your sobs tear through to the surface. As Bam holds you and smooths your hair, you whisper into his ear. "I lost the baby."

Bam pulls back and looks at you, tears streaming down his face, anguish marking lines on his forehead. He swallows, accepting your words. And when he speaks, his voice is thick with emotion.
"It will be alright." He kisses your eyes, your cheeks, your hands. "As long as I haven't lost you, we'll be OK."

As you settle into the arms of the only man you will ever truly love, you believe him.