Joshua Bam Bam Brown: Collection of Short Alaskan Bush People Fan Fics

It's Still Raining. Part 5

Bam reached one arm around your back and slipped the other under your legs and lifted you out of the skiff.

"I can get out by myself, Bam." You smiled but didn't try to pull away.

Instead, you wrapped your free arm around his neck and let your hand with the cast rest against his chest. Being close to Bam always made you a little warm and you felt a bit crazy when you caught a whiff of his fresh scent.

"It's fine. I've got you." He smiled slightly as he landed your feet softly on the wet ground.

Your boots immediately sunk down into the thick mud and you squealed and grabbed for Bam's shirt to steady yourself.

"It's eating me!" You fisted his shirt in your hand as you tugged one foot, then the other out of the wet mud.

"Come here, girl." Bam slung one arm around your waist and yanked you up and out of the mud. When your feet hit the ground again, you were pressed tight against his chest and your face was inches from his. The look in his eyes was hard to read and you weren't sure if he wanted to kiss you or push you away. So you made the decision for him and pulled away, leaning over to lift your backpack out of the skiff.

"You didn't have to bring me to Browntown with you. I would've been fine at home by myself."

"I broke you. I'd like to help fix you." Bam said seriously and you looked away, torn between smiling at his words and crying at the guilt on his face.

"It wasn't your fault. It was a silly accident." You stroked a hand along his shoulder and smiled. "But I'm glad to get to see the place you always talk about and really excited to meet your family."

"Yeah..." His words trailed off and you immediately knew he was thinking of her.

Bam had told his girlfriend everything that happened and how he wanted to take you to Browntown for a week to help you while your wrist healed. She had been sweet and understanding and thought Bam was absolutely amazing for wanting to help you. She hadn't been jealous at all. That had cut deep. But you were certain Bam hadn't told her what he said to you as he cradled you and your broken wrist in his arms a couple of nights before.

"You are what's wrong with me, too." The pain in his voice as he confessed that had hurt you, but at the same time the love in his voice had healed you.

Things between you and Bam had changed since you admitted your desire for him and he admitted his for you. You worked hard to keep things light and easy the way they had been before and for the most part, you succeeded. Your talks were open and he still found himself unable to stop sharing his thoughts with you. The trust was still there, but now there was something else. The guilt in his eyes as he looked at you sometimes made you want to push him out the door and back to her and to tell him to never come back. But Bam didn't want to leave.

"She's wonderful." He had touched your cheek with a finger when you drew your mouth down in a sad frown at his words. "But I can't stop thinking about you." He had pulled you into his lap and hugged you hard and his sigh was long and loud. "This is hard for me." His long curls draped over his shoulder and brushed your neck. "I'm not that guy. I never have been. I don't know what to do."

You finally agreed to go with him to Browntown only because he wouldn't give up. Bam was stubborn and more than a little pushy when it was something he wanted. And he wanted you with him in Browntown. It had taken a while for that to sink in. You had fought with your heart and fought a little bit with Bam about whether or not you should even continue to stay friends. You didn't know anything about his girlfriend but you knew that she didn't deserve to be hurt. That was never your intent. But Bam wouldn't give up and his soft, deep voice and gentle words had worn you down until you lifted his hand to your mouth and kissed his fingers and said; "Let's go."

Browntown was all he had said it would be. It was quiet and peaceful, beautiful and wild. Bam woke you with urgent kisses and delicious breakfasts that you often let get cold so you wouldn't miss any of the kisses. He showed you how to pee in the woods when the outhouse was occupied and he turned his back nobly until you were done.

He spoke to you of poetry and music and things he wanted out of life. He asked so many questions about your personal life that you began to get nervous.

"Are you planning to steal my identity?" You leaned back and looked him up and down suspiciously.

"No one could ever be like you, sweetheart." His words were as soft as his kiss that parted your lips and melted your insides like warm butter.

And sometimes Bam would talk late, late into the night and would chuckle when too tired to stay awake, you finally threw your head back and dropped your mouth open and pretended to snore.

You would have been so incredibly happy except for the fact that Bam wasn't happy. He tried his best to convince you that everything was fine, but it wasn't. He had a choice to make and being so close to you was not making it easier for him. This wasn't how you wanted things to go. You didn't want to be the other woman in any relationship. And Bam was struggling with what to do. So after talking around the subject for days, you knew you'd had enough.

"Bam. Baby, you have to decide what you want to do." Your voice was soft but firm.

"I know what I have to do. You don't have to tell me." His voice was sharp and you knew he was upset, but there was no more time. You planned to go back to town in two days and you had to know where you stood with him. If he truly loved this woman, then you would walk away from him and not look back.

"I'm not going to continue to be the third person in your relationship." You had walked with him to the beach so the two of you could talk privately. Bam stood with his feet spread apart and his arms folded, his eyes staring out at the cold, dark waters.

"I never thought I would meet one woman I cared so much for. Now here I am with two. That's Brown luck for you." Bam said sarcastically and scratched at his beard.

"Are you kidding me?" You swung him around by his shoulder to face you. "If your feelings for me are such a burden then you know exactly where you can put those feelings!" You growled bitterly and ground your teeth against the hurt and confusion that coursed through you.

Shaking your head, you cursed yourself for not walking away when you found out Bam was already seeing someone. The notion that you could be just friends was also completely ridiculous. And the situation you now found yourself in, stuck between him and his girlfriend, made you so angry at yourself that you finally blurted out the words you had been holding back for so long.

"Why didn't you just leave me alone, Bam?"

"You act like you were completely innocent here." He shot back and the pain was like a knife in your heart.

"I wasn't innocent, but I wasn't the one already in a relationship."

"Right." He spat out and turned to stomp toward the skiff. "I am in a relationship with someone else and it's time I get back to her." He flung his words at you as he pushed the boat the few feet to deeper water, set he motor and sailed away.

There wasn't much you could say or do to make the pain go away. Bam was gone and based on his last words to you, he was never coming back. You stood quietly at the edge of the water, facing the laughing waves that seemed to openly mock your pain.

When your mind refused to settle down and continued to swing back to the last few tense minutes spent with Bam, you finally shook your head sharply and let yourself get mad. The anger was a welcome relief from the hurt and confusion and it felt good. The anger rose up strongly in you and to your surprise, it felt so right. You stomped your booted foot hard on the muddy ground and began trudging resolutely back toward Browntown.

"This can't be the end." You muttered under your breath as your right hand absently rubbed against the hard cast plastered around your left wrist.

"I won't let it be the end."