Help me find a way to breathe [Oli Sykes FF]

Chapter 20

Hey guys! Back again c: Another depressing chapter, I'm really sorry don't hate me ;w;

Also, you can still tell me whether you prefer Cassie to date Ben or Alex in the next few chapters. Don't worry, I'm not spoiling here but this is an Oli Sykes FF and I won't change anything about that, so don't worry!

I'm sorry this is short and boring, I hope it will get more interesting again soon! Maybe next chapter will include a big jump in time, we'll see.

The song for this chapter is Breaking The Habit - Linkin Park. Now please enjoy the chapter and don't forget to vote and comment. Give me feedback, I love reading your messages and comments a lot! I'm so thankful for your support <3

Cassie's POV:

"He what?", I choked into the phone. "You're joking, right?", I added in complete disbelief while I slowly shook my head and fought with the tears, trying hard to hold them back. "I wish I was",  I heard Jordan say. But his voice only came as a muffled sound, bearly reaching me thanks to the thoughts in my head that were uncontrollably screaming at each other.

Oliver tried to kill himself.

And it's my fault.

"Bu..but he's going to be alright, isn't he?", I stuttered biting on my lower lip nervously. "Well..", Jordan trailed off and the concern in his voice startled me. "He has to! Jordan, please tell me he's fine", I said but he didn't reply. There was a painful moment of silence which filled the conversation. "Jordan?", I asked worried, feeling the tears dwell up in my eyes.

This had to be a bad dream, this couldn't be true.

"The doctors had to put him on a life support machine", Jordan muttered. "It seems he hasn't been eating enough in the past two weeks so the pills mixed with the alcohol had a worse affect to his body than they'd normally have. If Matt and I would've visited him just an hour later...", he sighed.

"At which hospital are you?", I asked. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to-", he tried to say but I cut him off. "I don't care! Now tell me where you are", I interrupted him. He let out a small sigh before answering my question. "But you shouldn't come here, Cass", he added.

"Watch me. Give me fifteen minutes", I simply said before hanging up.

Of course I'd get to them. I had to see him! I just had to! I quickly put the phone into my pocket before grabbing my shoes and a jacket. I basically ran out of the small apartment I had bought and ran to the car.

After about ten minutes of driving I arrived at the hospital and stopped the vehicle. I literally jumped out of the car, running inside and walking towards the information desk. "Hello", the woman in front of me said in an annoyed tone like she was really tired but I didn't care about that right now. "I'm here for an Oliver Sykes. Which room is he?", I asked immediately. The woman typed something on the keyboards, scrolling through whatever she was looking at on her computer.

She looked up at me for a second before turning her attention back to the screen. "May I ask what kind of relation you have with him?", she asked in the same monoton voice. It started to get on my nerves. "I'm his gi-", I almost shouted at the woman but I bit my lip. "I'm.. a good friend", I mumbled, scratching the back of my head.

"I'm sorry. There are already a few people upstairs and I can't allow you to visit him. Maybe you should come back later, or-", she sighed but I interrupted her. "Do I look like I fucking care?! I need to see him, now! Just tell me what room he is and-", I snapped at her when someone cut me off this time.

"Cassie?", I heard a familiar voice behind me. As I turned around I saw Hannah. She looked exhausted and really really worried. Her eyes were puffy as if she had been crying for hours. She walked up to me and pulled me into a hug, sobbing and sniffing a little bit. "Hey, Hannah", I muttered, a sad smile curling up to my lips as I gently wrapped my arms around my best friend's fragile petite figure.

"Hey, Hannah!? That's all?! Do you know how worried we've all been? And now this happend and I-", she cried out as she gave me an angry glare but the tears that were flowing down her cheeks cracked up all her anger towards me. She quickly wiped them away, ruffling her hair. "I know I should've- I'm sorry. If I knew what was going to happen, I- I..", , I stuttered, feeling the tears in my eyes too. They were stinging as they attempted to get free but I gulped them down, shaking my head.

"As I said, you should come back another time, young lady", the woman behind the counter said. Hannah glanced over my shoulder to her and shook her head. "I don't think so", she whispered to me before grabbing my hand and leading me to the stairs. "It's good to see you again though, Cass. Even if it's for such tragic circumstances. We've all been missing you..", Hannah smiled at me but I could still see the sadness in her eyes. I just nodded as we went upstairs.

Hannah led me down a hallway and when we took a left turn, I saw all the guys, either sitting there or walking back an forth. When Hannah and I walked up to them, their heads popped up giving me a surprised look. Except for Jordan, since he knew I was coming here.

"Cassie?", Lee and Matt K. asked very confused looking. I opened my mouth ready for a reply, a greet or anything. I didn't know what would fit the situation but I didn't have to bother thinkin about what I should say as Nichols cut me off. "What the hell are you doing here?", he spat at me, clearly pissed. Who could blame him though? Of course he'd hate on me, all of this was my fault.

"Well what do you think? I came to see Oli of course", I sighed, rolling my eyes. He kept glaring at me with hatred in his eyes as he shook his head. "I don't think so. You better leave now", he hissed at me. "Matt, calm down. It's fine, she-", Jordan tried to say but as soon as Matt turned his head towards the young man, he shut his mouth. "Fine?! It's not fucking fine, Jordan! After everything what happened she just appears out of nowhere and thinks everything's cool again? It's been three fucking weeks!", he shouted at him.

"I never even said anything like that!", I groaned back. "I know what I did was wrong! I just- there's no excuse for it but I didn't know what to do anymore, Matt! I couldn't bloody handle it anymore, I couldn't bare with any of it, okay?", I snapped, narrowing my eyes at him. "You can't tell me what to do, alright? If I want to see Oli, I fucking will", I hissed.

"Oh, I see. You want to see him. After all this time you suddenly want to see him. Cool, man. No, really. I mean it's not like you could've shown up days ago or at least give one of us a call or I don't know. No, no, no. Princess I-can-do-whatever-I-want-to shows up after Oli ends up in hospital. I don't know if you got that but he tried to kill himself, Cassie. He attempted suicide", Matt shouted at me.

"I'm not that stupid, I know all that! That's exactly why I have to see him. He needs me!", I yelled back at him.

"No, you're wrong. He needed you when you were pregnant with his child. He needed you when he decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life together with you. He needed you when he locked himself inside his house, not leaving it for three weeks. But you weren't there, Cassie. And now it's too late", Matt simply said, looking me right into the eyes.

I didn't know how to reply to that. Jordan got up from his seat and walked up to me. "Come with me", he murmured and wrapped an arm around my shoulder to lead me downstairs again. "I told you it was a bad idea to come here", he sighed. I still didn't know what to say, so I just kept quiet. "I think you should go now, Cass. Goodbye", Jordan said as soon as we arrived at the entrance. He turned around and wanted to go upstairs again but I grabbed his lower arm.

He again turned around to me, giving me a questioning look. "Will you at least contact me as soon as you know more?", I muttered. Jordan sighed and nodded. "I'll text you.. but you shouldn't come back anyways", he agreed. I gave him a sad look. "When he's awake... could you tell him I was here?", I asked him. Jordan stayed silent for a few seconds before he shook his head, freeing himself from my grip.

"No, Cassie. Matt was right about something. Oli needed you but you weren't there and now it's too late. It was your descision to leave and we all respect that. That means there is no coming back for you. I don't think it would be a good idea to let Oli know you were here. I'm sorry", Jordan smiply said. I tried to reply something but he wouldn't let me as he just turned around to me and walked away.