Help me find a way to breathe [Oli Sykes FF]

Chapter 29

Okay, sorry for the following long A/N but there are a few things I have to say. I just need to. Skip it, I don't care. It's important for me to tell you guys, is all. Whether you are listening or not is none of my business. This week has been hell for me. But I know someone who went through much more. You probably know it already but two wonderful people were fed up with everything and wanted to end their lives. Gladly, they made it and are alive. I was literally crying and shaking, I was so afraid and I felt so insecure about all that. The thought of losing them was unbearable, even if I don't really talk to them that often. I just appreciate their presence and I'm thankful for their strength they're giving me.

The point is, if I knew about this sooner, I would've tried to help. I would've tried everything. Maybe some people have their reasons, made up their mind and don't want to talk. Maybe talking doesn't help but on the other hand you should know what it means to kill yourself. There are people caring about you, me for example. Maybe your parents, siblings, friends, family. Even if it's only for your own sake. I don't know about you but the thought of not waking up anymore scares me. I may not have any reason to live on to be honest. I have friends but I could easily be replaced, I don't have any talent and I often feel like a burden. I know I'm overreacting. Maybe you went through much more. My life is normal and there's nothing special about it but I like it anyways. I know there's so many bullshit out there and I hate most of it.

But that exactly is the reason I want to keep fighting. Because I want to proof them wrong. I want to show them that I'm more than that. That every living human being is more than that. The world is shitty? Yeah, I know but I want to proof myself that I can change something about it without having to change myself. I want to believe in the good of the world, even as a pessimist. And I know it exists. I have a loving family, even if I know I bring them down. I have friends who care about me, even if I know I annoy them. I can go to school even if I hate it and don't know what to do with my life later. But I will figure it out. Everything. I know it's hard but I want you to stay strong, if you're not doing it for me or your loved ones, please do it for yourself. I promise you, it will get better. xxo

Song for this chapter is Mockingbird - Eminem. I love Eminem, don't judge me. And the chapter is dedicated to the awesome @olobersykesx. Dude, you rock it okay? I'm so glad I know you, wifey loves you <3

Oliver's POV:

When I followed Ben to the bus and shut the door behind me, Cassandra's head snapped up. She gave me that look I never could quite describe. Her eyes went just really big, staring at me in disbelieve, guilt and relieve at the same time. She didn't say a word though, probably because she had no words for all of this, same as me. It sickened me to death, all of it. But the feeling of sadness lost against the not caring me. I was used to that. I was used to Cassie and simply everyone just playing with me.

Ben stripped off his jacket and walked up to his girlfriend. "I'll leave you two alone, taking a shower real quick", he simply said, no emotion lacing his voice as he placed a small kiss to Cassie's forehead. After that he kicked off his shoes and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. I just looked at Cassandra, waiting for her to start. I had nothing to say to her, she already knew what she had to. It wasn't that I was mad at her, I wasn't upset. I felt stupid, that's all. I should've expected something like this, I should've known it was wrong.

Finally the petite girl takes in a deep breath and dares to look up at me, her eyes shining as always, making it easy for anyone to get lost in them. "Oli, I-", she tried to say but I cut her off.

"It's okay, Cass", I sighed, shaking my head. A weak chuckle escaped my throat. "I kinda knew something like that would happen" I added and ran my hand through my hair. My fingers were shaking but I couldn't manage to calm down. I was a complete mess. After all of what I've survived, I was still the same broken idiot I was back in highschool. Nothing changed.