Help me find a way to breathe [Oli Sykes FF]

Chapter 26

Hey guys, how are you? <3 You're still sticking around? Or are you already hating me for this story? I'm so sorry xD Well another chapter today, I felt like writing something today!

This one's dedicated to @MsGreenRadke and the song for this chapter is Just Tonight - The Pretty Reckless. I've been obsessed with TPR for the past few days, it's crazy! I just couldn't figure out whether I should write this chapter out of Oli's point of view or out of Cassie's. Maybe I'll write the same chapter again with Cassie's but now I'll go for Oli! Hope I didn't overdo it with this chapter, probably not.

Now please enjoy the fuck out of this story. And I'm fucking sorry for fucking swearing so fucking much . Love you XoX

Oliver's POV:

"You sure you wanna stay?", Lee asked me and I nodded. "Yup. I'm fucking tired. You go and have fun", I replied. "Alright, mate. Take care, see you", the boy sighed patting my shoulder before leaving the bus. I looked at the clock only to see it was already late evening. The guys wanted to go out but I needed my space. Asking left to party too so I was happy to be alone.

This tour might be even rougher than I thought. I knew it would be hard but I wanted to try it, I wanted to start from zero again. Of course I didn't know Cassandra would be here too. It was only a matter of time until we had to meet again but I wasn't prepared for that at all. I sat down on the couch, grabbing the blade I hid in my pockets for today. I twirled the shiny object in my fingers. I didn't want to do this, I thought I was strong enough.

But I was a completely weak, useless and pathetic wreck.

I rolled up my sleeve but I didn't use the blade. I only stared at my wrist for what seemed like eternity. The scars blended perfectly into each other and into the tats as well. Some were barely noticibale while the fresh ones where still pink and really big too. I sighed.

What have I become?

A noise behind me startled me and I quickly shoved the blade back into my pocket before turning my head to the door. "Oh.. Sorry", Cassie muttered, wiping a strand of hair out of her face. "I didn't know you were still here", she added, chewing on her lip. "Well I only wanted to get my phone from the charger", she sighed walking up to the table.

I didn't know what to reply so I just looked at her not saying anything, desperately hoping she didn't see the blade. Cassie grabbed her phone and put it into her pocket. "I uh.. guess I'll leave you alone then", she said and wanted to go to the door.

Now I don't know why, whether it was a reflex or not but I immediately grabbed her hand, not thinking twice about it. She gave me a surprised look and I just stared back into her beautiful eyes, feeling myself getting lost in them. I solidified my grip, holding her hand tighter, slightly squeezing it. "Don't...", I mumbled but muted again. I stood up, still not letting go of her.

"Don't what?", Cassie asked confsued, titling her head to the side. The strand from her fringe, which she tucked behind her ear earlier was way too long and fell to her face again. How did I survive all this time without being able to see this beauty? Without waking up next to her every morning, without hearing her voice or her cute chuckle. How did I manage to go on without her. But in the end, I didn't. I was forced to, I had no option left.

"Don't leave again", I whispered almost inaudible the pain from all these years lingering in my voice.

I felt weak and annoying for saying it. Like a puppy you wouldn't let inside although it was raining outside. But nevertheless this were my thoughts. I never wanted Cassie to leave. I wanted her by my side, with me. Always. But she didn't want that and it was too fucking much for me. How should I possibly accept it? How could I even try?

Cass looked at me with an absolutely speecheless expression. Her jaw slightly dropped and I catched her breathing in ready to reply something. But I didn't want her answer. I was sure she'd say I'm crazy, free herself from my grip, laugh in my face and leave again. But I didn't want that. I didn't want her to leave.

So I kissed her before she could reply anything.

I pulled her into a kiss, her lips soft against mine. And even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do, it felt right. It felt like always as if nothing ever happened. The feeling of being able to hold her again, to have her with me again. I could reach out to her for the first time and it felt right. It felt right how our lips moved in sync with each other, it felt right to wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer to me. 

Maybe it was a mistake but I needed her. I needed her like I needed air to breathe. She was like a drug and I was addicted. And when Cassie wrapped her arms around my neck and returned the favour, I could tell she felt the same way. The kiss went on for like forever and I wished it would never end.

Her fingers danced in my hair as I vaguely heard her moan out my name quietly. "Jump", I demanded without breaking the kiss. She gladly obeyed and wrapped her legs around my waist. I carried her to my bunk and we ended up continuing to make out over there, getting rid of our clothes and tossing them aside.

I made sure to kiss every inch of her body, caressing her soft skin to catch up on the lost time. I only remembered how good it felt to be with the love of my life again. I had shared everything with this girl and I've missed her more than I could possibly ever miss anything else in the entire world.

"Oliver, I'm close!", she moaned and I felt her digging her fingernails deep into the flesh of my back. As much as I actually enjoyed seeing her like this, I calmed her down by kissing her on the mouth. "Just let it go, babe", I panted against her lips, slightly picking up my pace. That was all it needed to throw her over the edge which triggered my high as well.

I collapsed next to her, running a hand through my hair. For a few minutes we had to catch our breath again before we looked at each other once more. And for the first time the silence that was only interrupted by us breathing a little bit, didn't feel uncomfortable or awkward at all.

Cassie rolled over to me, snuggling against my chest as she burried her face in the crook of my neck. I wrapped an arm around her petite figure, pulling her close as I placed little kisses on her hair over and over again. Eventually her breath calmed down completely and I figured she fell asleep. I looked down at her, a smirk on my face feeling the best I've ever felt in years.