Help me find a way to breathe [Oli Sykes FF]

Chapter 24

I figured to write another chapter today, I felt like it. I have nothing to do so I wanted to be productive! You guys are so lucky *sassy mode*

Dedicated to @KarinaRi because just a few days ago I reread her message and she told me she loved my writing so much and idk it meant a lot to me. A few of you guys have been sending me feedback via my inbox and it's just so sweet and it makes me so happy and aähfwoefhowäe I don't deserve all this, you guys are way too nice to me haha <3

GuuuuuuUUUYS I'M GOING TO SEE BMTH FT PIERCE THE VEIL TOMORROW AND AAAGH, I'M SO EXCITED *-*

Song for this chapter is The Death Of Me - Asking Alexandria. Now feel free to enjoy the chapter <3

A couple months later 

 Oliver's POV:

*FLASHBACK*
"I don't know, mate", Matt sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "But I do. We can't keep everything on hold forever", I shrugged. "You've got a point there but anyways, are you sure? I don't say that it's the wrong descision, we are just worried. I mean.. we don't want to put you under too much pressure", Jordan muttered.

A soft chuckle escaped my lips. As if they'd actually know how I felt or what was good for me. "I made up my mind, Jordan. I'm fine. We should join Warped. It's the best comeback BMTH could have, right?", I simply said and got up from the couch. It's been two years since Bring Me The Horizon did basically anything.

After my failed suicide attempt we decided to let the band drop until things would turn out better. I figured though, they never would. Yet I was fed up with sitting in my house doing nothing. I was fed up with everyone pitying me and all that bullshit. I tried my best to fake a good mood everyonce in a while but these lads just never would stop worrying, it was fucking annoying.

"Look, I already talked with our tour manager about this. And he agreed. We're already signed in, there's no turning back. Let's just give it our best, okay?", I forced a smile. Still they gave me concerned looks but nodded in defeat. "Alright, mate. I'm glad you're back", Lee smiled, slightly punching my arm. "Me too", I said with a crooked grin on my face.

If I knew what would await me on Warped, I would've never listed BMTH for that tour. But as I said, there was no turning back.
*FLASHBACK END*

"Guys, could you listen to me for a sec?", our tour manager said as he walked up to us. We were currently at the airport, waiting for our plane to America. I plugged out my headphones and looked up to our manager. "So apparently, we can't get another tour bus. I tried pulling some strings but it was no use. They don't have any left since it's already the fourth day of Warped. If we had signed up earlier, we could've had our own tour bus but well.. Luckily Asking Alexandria has a double bus. They have 7 bunks left so that should be alright", he explained. I let out a small sigh, of course I was kinda pissed because of that but we gladly would just be on the bus for sleeping so it shouldn't be a big deal.

Eventually we got on the airplane and after a few hours we arrived. It all went smoothly. Asking Alexandria had a performance at the time we arrived so the tourbus driver picked us up and drove us to the festival. If I understood that right, no one knew about BMTH joining Vans Warped Tour last minute. How should they? We decided that last minute and left at the same fucking day just talking to the people who run Warped. Maybe it was better that way though, I wasn't in the mood for any welcome back parties or some crap like that. The bands surely would've arranged something like that if they'd known.

Since it was the first day for us, we didn't have to perform. The line up in fact would be changed and turned around completely. Even after the tourbus stopped, I decided to stay on the bus. The guys wanted to take a look around but I lied when I told them I had a heavy jet lag and just wanted to catch some sleep. After they all left the bus I unpacked my stuff. Clothes, bathroom stuff and all that. The last thing to get out of my bag were my blades.

It would be hard to use them without anyone noticing but I needed them. Even though I managed to let everyone think I recovered, I didn't obviously. The endless circle in this black hole of selfharm got me once again. I let out a small sigh as I rolled up my sleeve and grabbed one of the blades. I slowly put the cold shiny object to my arm and allowed it to dance on my skin. The red lines that were forming blended into each other. It was extremely calming watching the blood flow down my wrist.

"Come on, Ben! Stop it already", I heard a familiar chuckle. Too familiar. So familiar that I froze when I heard it. My mind was spinning as I stared at the door. "Stop what? I don't know what you're talking about", I heard another voice reply laughing. That's when I came back to reality. I quickly grabbed a random towel, wiping away the blood before rolling down my sleeve and hiding the blades. That's when I heard the door open.

I turned my head to the two people who just entered the tour bus and my heart sunk. You know that feeling when you're just about to fall asleep but then you suddenly feel like you're falling and you wake up in shock? This just happened to me when I saw Ben and the girl with the 'familiar voice'

"You are such a dork", she laughed, slightly shoving his arm. She dyed her hair black and cut it a bit shorter but it was still flowing down her back perfectly. Her eyes were shining just like I remembered them to. Her smile still was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

"But that's what you love me for, isn't it?", Ben snickered, leaning down to her and pecking her lips. "Maybe", Cassandra just laughed softly. That's when at least Ben finally noticed me. He turned his head to me and his jaw dropped. "What are you doing here?", he asked in shock. Now also Cassie looked over to me, her face growing pale immediately as she stared at me in complete disbelief.

It was probably the most awkward situation anyone could imagine. "I uh..", I wanted to start without knowing how to respond actually when the door opened again. Matt came back in and gave us all confused looks. "Sorry, just forgot somethi-", he mutterd, scratching the back of his neck before stopping his movements all at once.

"Cassie?", he breathed surprised. "What the hell are you-", he wanted to demand but Ben loosely wrapped an arm around her shoulder, giving him an annoyed glare. "That's my line. Why are you guys in our tour bus?", he asked very calm. It took me all my nerves to not rip off his arm. "Bring Me The Horizon joined Warped last minute. Our tour manager said we didn't get any own bus and since you had plenty bunks left, he told us to stay here", I shrugged trying to sound as untouched as possible.

But believe me, everything inside of me wanted to scream my guts out. My brain shouted at me to jump at Ben and punch the bloody hell out of this douche for even laying a finger on Cass. But I knew better. She wasn't any of my business anymore, she could be with whoever she wanted to, she could do what she pleaded. And knowing that, more like experiencing it in real life,  tore me up inside once more.